Random Musings

When I go to the bathroom in the upstairs of our house, I always pull the shower curtain back to make sure no one is hiding back there a la Psycho.

I fear someone will one day figure out how much I love Madonna. Okay, I guess my wife already knows that.

99% of the time, when I ride my indoor trainer, I'm listening to Motley Crue, GNR or 80's music. The other 1%, my iPod is broken.

I fear that someone will discover how much Madonna, Taylor Dayne or 2 Live Crew I have on my iPod.

I fear that, while shopping, someone is going to frame me for shoplifting-- didn't that happen in "Desparately Seeking Susan"?

Because one of my dogs died in this manner, I fear standing too close to passing traffic because a car's bumper might be sticking out too far and take my legs off.

I went to a Village People concert-- and disco had been dead for over 20 years when I went.

I love the smell on my hands after a round of golf.

I have attended Loverboy, The Hooters and Chicago concerts and they were not in a casino or at the State Fair.

I can't buy presents from VictoriasSecret.com because the models are so hot I completely lose focus on what I'm doing.

Many Saturdays after my long bike ride I'm tortured because I'm too tired to do anything but too bored to sit still.

I'm still looking for the idea that's gonna make me $1 million.

I fart... a lot.

I love finishing a hard bike ride at 7.30 on a warm, humid summer night.

My daughter, Anna, does something everyday that absolutely amazes me.

I wish I had a British accent 'cause those cats sound cool.

If Anna does not go to Auburn her college will not be paid for by me. I will use the money to buy my Corvette.

If Anna goes to Ole Miss, I will refuse to pay for college and drop "Zyriek" from her name as she has disgraced her mother and I.

A woman's butt looks best in a nice fitting pair of jeans. If it doesn't look good there then it has no hope.

My first real girlfriend was Cindy White. Our song was "The Greatest Love" by Whitney Houston.

I went to a high school that had racially-segregated proms and I still think that Memphis is the most racially divided place I have ever been.

I'm so glad I was born in and live in America.

Why do people spend so much time, energy and money trying to lose weight when they could spend less of all the preceeding by just making smarter food decisions?

Anyone who finishes a sentence with "boy" and then spits scares me.

I'm amazed that I made it out of my youth without getting hurt badly or killed.

I have nightmares about snakes and needles that cause me to scream a lot in my sleep; my wife does not find this amusing.

I peed on someone's car because they "buzzed" me on my bike one day.

I've never been in the Champagne Room so I really don't know if sex is or is not allowed in there.

A $20 / 3 minute lap dance is only a good ROI (return on investment) for one of the parties involved.

My iPod only holds a charge for 8 hours so that helps me remember when it's time to leave work.

I phucking hate going to parties where people tell me their job then tell me how good they are at it.

If I strongly disagree with you, I'll either not say a word or scream at you until veins pop out on my forehead. Either way, you'll know I don't like what you're saying.

I hate stack overflows.

Sometimes, I'll hold a grudge so long that I end up forgetting what I was mad about.

The first concert I went to was Hall & Oates / General Public. The last one I went to Motley. In between I hit everything from Chicago to Ozzy Osbourne to Tesla to Poisin.

LP and I ate live goldfish in college.

Of the thousands of holes of golf I've played, I've never eagled or aced a hole.

Why would anyone ever have an affair? I can barely handle the ONE woman I have.

And on that note, I'm glad I turned down the invitation for the "evening on the Lake" that Daunte Culpepper sent me.

I had about 20 horrible blinds dates before I had a good one. I married her.

I once hit my nads so hard on my bike's top tube that I saw flashes of light and felt a bolt of lighting shoot down my arm.

I love warm blankets, couches and college football-- all at once preferably.

I'm still sad that Anna never got to meet my dad but I realize now that I must fill the role of getting her hooked on Harley's, Corvettes and NOS powered speedboats like my Dad did to me.

I love the first day of fall.

I love the first day of spring.

I love screaming so loud and for so long at Auburn games that I can't speak afterwards and have a headache.

I don't understand the following about Memphis driving:
>> Why do we pull over for funeral processions but not for ambulances?
>> Why do people who are getting pulled over stop in the middle of busy traffic and not try to find a safer place to stop?
>> Why can't people turning left stay in the left lane and people turning right stay in the right lane? Do you have to cut across every lane available to you?
>> Why can't people move their cars out of traffic for simple fender-benders?

Why are the most obnoxious fans the ones who never even went to the school for which they cheer?

I love it when a plan comes together.

I sometimes sneak out and pee in the backyard. Why? Because I'm a man and that's what we do.

I've traveled around the U.S. and a few places in Europe and I can say this for certain: the most beautiful women are in the Southern states. You'll find more hot women in Oxford, MS shopping on a Saturday afternoon than in the entire rest of the U.S. above the Mason-Dixon.

I once refactored some code that reduced a report's run time from 20 hours to 2 minutes. I still got a 3% raise at the end of the year.

I have been mean to a lot of ex-girlfriends. I'm sorry.

Linda Cohn is a hot amazon.

I miss college football so hard I usually end up watching the 1-AA and D3 championship games-- GO RAIDERS!!

In high school, I wore more gold than any other white person.

Drivers-- a merge lane <> cut off other cars. Merge. It's like the basic representation of working together. If you can't master this activity then I won't trust you in my caveman hunting pack.

I don't care if the Colts have a perfect season. I only want to see Peyon Manning win a Super Bowl.

I can't wait for the next Harry Potter movie when Hermone Granger is of legal age.

Arthur Andersen was the most kick ass accounting firm and I still get sad periodically about what happened to it.

I could go on with this list forever, but I'll spare you.