Favorite Drink

I've got this taste in my mouth. I could really use a bourbon and Coke mixed with pigskin.

HOLY SHAT!! I can have it. It's almost here. Those 4 months of the year when I proclaim "I have a reason to live"!

Football season! This marks my 17th year of going to Auburn football games and I'm as excited as ever. LP, Anna (who has been going to games since she was 5 months old) and I are headed to the Plains to see what was once a HUGE rivalry game between Auburn and Georgia Tech (Wreck Tech!). It was many years ago that Auburn students greased the train tracks sending the Georgia Tech team and fans skidding into Opelika, AL. And little things like endangering the lives of the fans and team of another school are all it takes to build a little rivalry.

I'm all ready to go with my new cell phone ringtone and prepped for "All Auburn, All Orange" with this year's new burnt orange shirt (yes, burnt orange, not trash collector or penal farm orange like University of Tennessee).

And the BEST tradition in college football (see pic below). Bevo storming the field doesn't impress me when he's got 10 handlers controlling him. How about letting a eagle fly around the stadium before kickoff and land on the field-- the longer she flies the crazier it gets--

A Good Thing About Memphis?

Most people will read this post and wonder "huh? is this actually Gary Z saying something positive about Memfuss?"

Yeah, I guess there's a few good things. LP and I have a great church to go to, I live 3 miles from work and we love the school that Anna attends.

Oh, wait. Those things are all in Cordova, not Memphis. But there's more.

The remnants of Hurricane Katrina knocked our power out at midnight last night. So when you wake up to no power, what do you do? Duh, you go to the inlaws 1/4 mile down the street where they have electricity and a warm b'fast waiting for you.

All of LP's parents live in Memphis (or newly annexed Memphis [formerly Cordova] and Collierville to be exact) and they help out with Anna so much that it actually gives LP and me enough time and energy to pretend we're a "pre-child" married couple at times. And that rules.

You can't put a price on that. So, we can look past the gang shootings, robberies and random racial hate crimes as long as we have all that other good stuff going on for us.

And remember, Orange Mound IS Memphis.

Wanna ride 100 miles?

Fug no!! What kind of lunatics answer yes to that question? Not many which is why for the past 15 years I've done about 90% of my cycling training by myself.

Well, after 15 years of starving myself, missing family events, screwing off from work so I can get in my 2 hours of training or hitting the road on a Friday afternoon only to arrive back home Sunday night tired as ass; I've decided to take my FIRST EVER BREAK from cycling. And, man, how relaxing is this? I stay late at work without remorse, eat McDonald's (damn, has anyone tasted how good those fries are), and most of all chill with my shorty Anna and wife LP.

Is this what I've been missing? What kind of dumbass have I been for the past 15 years? I think I might even try to get a little pot belly and play lawn darts with the neighbors while we drink beer.

But I'm sure I'll be back. The addiction to cycling makes crack look like Folgers decaf.

A Little Song and Dance

A little something to pass the day by.

Well, sure

I'm watching the news and listening to people like myself whine about gas prices.

But one dude really got me. He was pumping gas while being interviewed and said "I done traded in my V8 for something that gets better mileage. What am I gonna next... get a bicycle?"

Yeah, why not? Would it hurt to garage the Excursion and ride a bike to the grocery store or to work? I'm not gonna cast too many stones here because I don't ride my bike to every place like I should... BUT I DON'T DISCOUNT THE OPTION.

Unfortunately, with poor roadways, angry drivers and no facilities (ie, locker room, shower or gay bath house at work) riding a bike in Memphis, TN makes me more nervous than a virgin at a prison rodeo.

My Babies Are Coming

I should be given a cookie. It did not take me months to make a decision on a purchase. We're talking about the guy who stays up at night because he can't determine what kind of handlebar tape to get for his bike. Well, I'm breaking the chain and my new babies are on their way. Delivery is in about 2 weeks, but here's a great shot from the ultrasound.

Sweet Home Alabama

LP, Shaz Shaz and I went to visit my Auntie and Uncle, Mom, Cousins and Grandmother in Alabama. Although, we did not get to shoot any firearms Anna played like I did when I used to visit Brewton, AL as a kid-- running nonstop and getting as filthy as a little Alabama redneck can. Plus I got a shot of this boss photo of Elvis and George Wallace hanging up at my Grandma's.

G 4 Life

Just goes to show, following healthy living habits can ensure that you'll still be plugging fools well into retirement.

Oil Me Baby

If anyone wishes to read up on some oil rants, please visit my friend Zack Perry's site.

Zack will contend that the world economy revolves around a bunch of dinosaurs that died millions of years ago and now end up in our gas tanks.

I can't say I disagree.

Think about this, a college friend of mine majoring in Transportation at Auburn once said everything you own was delivered at some point by TRUCK. It can be UPS, FedEx, the truck at the port that brings your new Nissan to you or the 18-wheeler hauling loads of tofu to Kroger. So basically, anytime any products or goods move ANYWHERE, oil is consumed.

And not just goods, but services. Shoot, my lawn guy is charging me an extra $5 these days for a yard trimming. He drives a giant F250 with a bunch of gas-hogging lawnmowers. As gas prices go up he has to pass that on. And that's gonna be the case for every sector of our economy.

I can't wait for hybrid prices to come down so I can jump in one. Even the higher prices that they demand today I think they're worth it. Yeah, you're not gonna make that money back anytime soon but you cut your dependence on foreign oil and anytime you can give the Middle East your Middle Finger, it's a good day.

Fore!!!

So this is what I've been missing out on for the last 13 years.

I used to play a lot of golf in high school-- like 9 holes almost every day of my life and 18 on the weekends. And I got the coolest jobs every in high school-- working in the golf pro shop.

I had to give up golf when I went to college because I found out how expensive it really was. Wait, did I say 'expensive'? I am engaged in a sport where my front wheel costs more than a set of clubs or 4 car payments on a subcompact.

After about an 8-year hiatus, I got this wild hair to borrow some clubs and play this past weekend. I played well enough to make it fun but still saw triple digits on the scorecard at the end of the day.

I headed out with my father-in-law, Baby James, Loco Matt and Horse (Matt's dad). The $hit talking started before we even arrived at the first tee and ended 5 hours later with Loco Matt sinking an impossible 40-foot putt to shoot an even 80.

But I think I'm getting sucked back in for all the reasons that cycling is pushing me away-- no crazy racing politics, just a bunch of guys going out for a round of grab ass and plugging greens.

So here's what I have working for me this week:
1. I am getting sucked back into an old hobby
2. My wife just got a good raise and bonus at work
3. My wife is out of town and I have been left unsupervised until Wed. night
4. Oh on. It's on like a pot full of neck bones.

That old Ping Anser putter that I could never afford when I played in high school (the one that makes the resounding *TING*) is about to end up in my garage.

FM 107.Sucks

Slowly making my way more and more into having some electronic gadgets, I finally got satellite radio. A bunch of LP's relatives got me gift certs to Best Buy for my b/day so I picked up an add-on Sirius system.

For people who scoff at paying $13/month for radio-- remember that many of our spear toting ancestors said the same thing about cable TV.

Satellite radio rocks and I recommend that everyone own it. How do you know if you're going to be a fit for it? Do you like music that does not consist of the same 20 songs being played nonstop? What about any type of talk radio that you can imagine (from Catholic radio to gay and lesbian radio)? Then it's for you. If you love 18 minutes of commercials per hour, then you should probably stick with regular radio.

Ahhh... Home at Last

It's good to be home.





And I'll be the "new girl" until our next hire.

Justice... part II

To prove that small miracles do happen everyday... my wife's sister's husband (which I think makes him my first cousin once removed) Matt is a handsome chap. A scratch golfer ,graduate of Duke then Stanford Law School, has a hot wife (you're welcome Jen) with twins girls on the way. Ahhh, life is good. Except the arrival of the twins was pushing Matt towards some middle-aged nerdom-- he was shopping for a mini-van. Whoa is me.

But justice prevails and after a few million test drives, the skies opened up and coolness beget coolness with Matt's new car.

Short Timer Syndrome

Part of reason I got this blog started is because I am awfully bored during my last few weeks at my current job. It's called short-timer syndrome; where you can't wait to get out the door and start your new job.

Let me digress because I don't keep everyone informed of my life's goings-on. Did I mention I'm changing back to my old job? Let's get my history down real quickly. After 4 months of watching 2 brothers fight, walls get kicked and a general sense that I was working in a daycare more than an IT department I left a certain unnamed company to take a contract gig at ILS.

ILS is genius and their IT department is run by a superb developer and manager-- Dan P.

But alas, after 15 months I left ILS to pursue a permanent position with more responsibility at another firm. It was a mistake to begin with and it's about as silly as poking your dog in the tookus while she's eating a bowl full of meat flavored cookie dough.

So, the inevitable happened. I was in a coffee shop one day reading romance novels and ILS walks in. She akwardly smiles and sits down. She asks about my new girlfriend. I admit that life with Miss New just doesn't feel right. ILS and I talk about the good times and how we were made for each other. I cry, she cries and we promise to let our love never come adrift again.

Well, that's not exactly how it happened but I am going back to ILS on August 8th to work at the place where I never had a bad day-- even when someone poked me in the tookus while I was eating my bowl full of meat flavored cookie dough.

Back from the dead

After about 2 months of feeling like I was getting a daily beating with a strand of rebar I think I'm actually starting to feel normal- a tad.

I did a race this past weekend in Huntsville, AL and rode well enough to not embarass myself.

The place to be on Tuesday nights bike riding in Memphis is RB's Cyclery group ride. There were around 40 riders there and I had a blast-- especially since this is probably the first Tuesday night group ride I've done in 2 years.

And while we're on cycling, check out this new cycling calendar, grrrrrr.

Ah.... Sweet Justice

I love the fatties who tell me I need to cut the carbs in my diet. I reply that when my body fat gets over 6% I'll consider it.

But, ah, justice she delivers even if it is delayed. Word came out yesterday that Atkins Corp is about to file Chapter 11 bankruptcy due to being over $300 million in debt.

So now let's pull out our rolodex of fad diets and finally recognize that that's where Atkins belongs. And repeat after me "eat well, eat in moderation and exercise."

And more good news. China's CNOOC dropped it's bid to purchase Unocol, a U.S. oil and gas producer. The oil demands of China and India already scare me (not that the U.S. is a bunch of lightweights) but a foreign company buying a U.S. oil producer was a little unnerving.

Welcome to 1988

It finally had to happen. I learned to text message 2 weeks ago which launched me kicking and screaming into 1990 something so now I'll take a step back to 1988 and set up my own blog. I promise to keep it [begin BS] asexual, apolitical and acceptable for all populations [end BS]. So check back as the "Last Name in the Phone Book" rants on everything from motorists to politics to that little prick at Bed, Bath, Beyond whose language you couldn't decipher if God directly handed you the Rosetta Stone of shitty grammer.

Peas and code hard.