Joke of the Day-- thanks dr

Jack was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat beside him. The new guy was an absolute wreck,pale,hands shaking,biting his nails and moaning in fear.

"Hey pal,whats the matter,"

"Oh man,I've been transferred to Memphis, "the other guy answered, "there's
crazy people in Memphis and they have shootings,gangs, race
riots,drugs, the highest crime rate.

"Hold on,"Jack interrupted,"I've lived in Memphis all my life,and its
not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home,go to work, mind your
own business, enroll your kids in a good school and its as safe as
anywhere in the world.

The other passenger relaxed and stopped shaking for a moment and
said, "Oh,thank you. I've been worried to death, but if you live there
and say its O. K. I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"

"Me?" said Jack, "I'm a tail gunner on a bread truck"

Tuesdays are the Worst

kennyAllen wrote about how Mondays are not actually the worst day of the week. I agree.

When I'm training hard, racing and traveling to events I say that TUESDAYS ARE THE WORST.

This past weekend we had our team training camp in Memphis. It was really nice. I cut work early on Friday-- 'cause the man's been giving it to me hard lately-- and rode my time trial bike for 2 hours. Saturday was 5 hours then Sunday was nearly 4 hours.

Come Monday folks are like "man, aren't you dead?" Well, my legs are a little tired, but I've still got some bounce in my step.

But Tuesdays...ugh. LP has to get our industrial sized shoe horn to wedge me out of the bed. I'm racked and it's all because of my friend DOMS = Delayed Onset of Muscle Soreness. Man, it takes about 48 hours to hit but that guy is a pill.

But anywho. Team camp went well. I'm about 10-13 pounds over race weight and I'm working on losing that-- we'll post info. on that later-- but I was surprised that I was able to not embarass myself. I honestly don't think I've done a 5 hour ride in over a year. Man, that's a long time on the bike and my arse paid for it.

And speaking of paying for it-- this weekend is my first race of the year; Rouge-Roubaix in Baton Rouge. Modelled after the original Hell of the North, Paris-Roubaix, the race is a little over 100 miles and includes some really gnarly dirt and gravel roads.

I'm super excited about the suffering that is going to occur since I'll be traveling with my road dog zackPe. We're staying with his aunt in Red Stick and I'll also get to see his mom again. It's gonna be kind of weird. I have not seen her since the Grateful Dead concert and our "night." I'm thinking about telling Zack the truth, that I'm his dad, this weekend.

Bear, bear

LP is not a real woman until she can pull this off.

Oh yeah, click it.

Just the Hotty I Let Go

Who's that supporting you through cancer treatment? Just the Hotty I Let Go.

Who's yo' babys' momma? Just the Hotty I Let Go.

So I was crushed last week when I got the news about Lance and Sheryl splitting.

Not because it was a match made in heaven, but because I tried to tell her it wasn't gonna last.

Yeah, Sheryl and I had a thing going on for a while. However, I think my manly Chuck beard scared her off.

I told her not to be chasing Lance because he was already married to a hotty. But she wouldn't give up the idea of hooking up with bro.

So, here we are today. A marriage broken up and 2 broken hearts-- Sheryl's and Lance's.

I'm not broken hearted 'cause I saw it coming all along and I told Sheryl that once she walked out my door, there was no coming back.

Hold on... Sheryl's texting me. Man, beatch is all up on my jock. Lemme go let her down gently then I'll get back with guys.

This is Something I Wanted... Back When I Listened to Crappy Free Radio

Interesting. I always hated this about the iPod. This is kinda cool.

The use I do have for it is that my gym transmits sound from the TV's via an FM signal.

This is the Day and Age We Live In...

Thanks dRiley for this link.

We, as consumers, have pushed so long and hard for lower prices that companies have had to come up with ways to make cheaper, and perhaps shoddier products, or cut corners on customer service.

The customer service compromise is kinda coming back to haunt us. Companies will do anything to keep from hiring more staff-- whether it be automated service centers or service centers where English is far from being the language of choice.

So it's sad, but a good representation of our times, when we have to have websites like this to help us cheat or hack the *system* in order to get to speak to a real human.

Gary Zyriek Is...

...the result of Chuck Norris impregnating a wild Bengal Tiger.

Are You Guys FQ'ing Crazy or Is It Just Me?

Holy shat. I guess we know not to print any more pictures of the Prophet Mohommed.

The Muslims certainly proved they are a peaceful and reasonable group with their protests over a cartoon in a Danish paper.

They seem to be able to resolve their issues in a very non-violent manner. Not!!

Are these people fq'ing kidding me? Is this what they resort to? Massive riots and deaths around the globe? Oh wait, these are the same cats that get their chubs swollen at beheading videos.

Nevermind. I certainly now lend more support to any nation that, when trying to work with the middle eastern Islamic countries, decides that the only way to get through to these irrational barbarians is to napalm their ballz off.

I have my religion made fun of on a frequent basis. And the first thing I do is grab a Molotov cocktail... oh wait. That's THEM, not me. I shrug my shoulders, say "fq it" and go back to drinking my coffee. Not EVERYTHING has to become an all out battle and many people have an opinion that differs from mine. And you know what those people are? INFIDELS, LA LA LA LA LA LA LA, GET THE GRENADE LAUNCHER!! THE STREETS WILL FLOW WITH THE BLOOD OF THE ZIONISTS!!

Ooops, there I went again; all crazy, radical Islamist on yo' asses. Sorry about that.

Anyway, if the only satisfaction I got in life was banging the family mule and treating my wife like Ike, I guess I'd be pretty bitter as well.

I Wonder When They'll Find This

Man, sometimes I hate having to write my code to conform to the non-linear flow of actions that marketing defines.

Thankfully, I can insert comments in my code to release myself from the responsibility of such crap.

Here's some I got to put in today:

'God this is so damn goofy. Please don't strike me down with lightning
'This may be the most stupid code I have written in the past year
For Each oResult As CAGEResult In Me.moCAGEResults....