Customer Service.. Why Is It A Moving Target?

What makes good customer service? Why do some companies get it and others don't?

Why do some have systems in place that make them fluid and readily able to change the path of commerce?

How can FedEx lose a package, admit fault, be super nice and have my insurance money in 6 business days but Sprint PCS can't handle a simple rebate form?

Why is Sirius so nice and works towards problem-solving when you call them but Deloitte's offshore IT rep, Shumahajmajari a.k.a. "Mr. Sam", is as likely to call you stupid as he/she is to help you.

Why do I sometimes get a defective product and just decide to not even try to replace it because I know dealing with customer support will be like taking on Tito Ortiz? However, Apple Computer has replaced 3 iPods for me with a 4 business day turnaround each time (it would be faster if I did not have mine engraved).

It's possible to right the ship. Dell, Best Buy and even the Nissan service dept. where I bought my car are good examples.

But why is it so difficult to get it right? Do companies believe that the money and product satisfaction are in the initial purchase? Perhaps, but what happens if that product phucks up? How do you keep the customer hooked.

The companies that have my loyalty are the ones that scratch my back when I scratch their's. This is why I have 4 iPods in my house, 2 Sirius radios and a FedEx shipping account. On the flipside, I can't wait to get rid of my SprintPCS phone.

Customer service is a product component that can seriously degrade or appreciate the value or your product. I hope companies start taking this seriously because I sure do get tired of talking to Majabiharilirrrrrrrr when I have computer problems.

Note to Self: Format Zune Before Returning to Wal-Mart

From Wired

Zune Comes With Porn Value-Add

Umm, this isn't exactly what we were suggesting, Microsoft, when we advised improving the Zune user experience.

A Chicago-area mother reports that the supposedly new Zune she bought her 12-year-old daughter for Christmas was stuffed with pornography, specifically "a homosexual orgy they had videotaped for an hour and 44 minutes."

The mom is pretty certain the player, which she purchased from a nearby Wal-Mart, was an unmarked returned unit. Besides the porn, she notes there was no charging cord in the box. The store manager , however, "blamed it on Microsoft."

The mom got her money back, a $25 Wal-Mart gift card and very uncomfortable discussion with her daughter.

We feel obliged to note how much worse it could have been if Microsoft had been at fault. At the risk of making our valued readers toss their lunch, think of Steve Ballmer. And porn. "Developers, unhhhh, developers...."

Bellevue Baptist Church = 'Bammer Football

I'm sure the title at least got your attention.

Let's get everyone up to speed. Bellevue Baptist Church (affectionately known as "Six Flags Over Jesus" because of its massive size and footprint) is one of the most well known and powerful Baptist churches in the U.S. It's in Memphis about 2 miles from my house. Appropriately, the former pastor, Dr. Adrian Rogers, was perhaps one of the most well known and powerful Baptist leaders since John the Baptist.

After decades of service to the Baptist community and Bellevue, Dr. Rogers retired then shortly thereafter passed away.

His successor Steve Gaines (not this Steve Gaines) has been met with trouble since he entered the door. There's almost no way to replace a legend and people have been spewing venom on sites such as SavingBellevue to prove my point.

I can't help but think this is JUST LIKE 'Bammer football and Bear Bryant. I'm not sure if there will ever be anyone who can replace a legend. I'm concerned that there will always be people living in the past and wishing to run off any new coach/pastor.

The faithful of Bellevue need our prayers to get through the turmoil that a few dissidents have been causing.

Grrrllllzzzzzzz !!

Work for an hour to get a good Christmas card pic and nearly fail.

I guess all it takes is letting them chill on the bed and they're golden.

Another Year Already?

If you're reading this on Dec. 20 you'll note that there are only 11 days left in 2006.

Huh? Where did 2006 go? Man, these years are just flying by now. Only 2.5 years until my next HS reunion. Ugh. I gotta hurry up and make that first million so I'll have something to boast about.

Do y'all have any New Year's resolutions?

I guess it's time to get started on mine so here's a try:

Attend a Cowboys game at Texas Stadium-- good shot here as bro-in-law James has secured playoff tix, I just have to get to Dallas and hope the 'boys are there versus on the road.

Learn more Spanish than my 3-year-old. I'd like to be fluent enough to negotiate some landscaping work using only Spanish.

Learn to play the guitar-- so that I can serenade the aforementioned landscaping worker

Cook 12 new recipes

Complete reading the Bible in a year with my wife

Lose 10 lb.-- this may be the first year I've said I need to do that and it's actually true

Become more involved in ministry opportunities within my church and community-- I've already got plans lined up for teaching computer classes in Caldwell

Avoid my annual rants on the same topics. These include:

• How much I hate the BCS


• Gratuitous rants about Ole Miss and Coach O. But I reserve the right to rant if they deserve it, such as recruiting illiterate football players like Jerrell Powe.


• How much I hate Memphis. I do reserve the the right to continually rant about the criminal jackasses we like to refer to as the Fords


• Stop bitching to Zack about FedEx being retarded with their complete separation of Ground and Express services


• Stop hatin' on Wal-Mart. HAHAHAHAHAAHA !!! Just kidding. Wal-Mart's getting a dirty sanchez from me in '07

Break 90. Something I haven't done since my first love affair with golf 17 years ago.

Get re-certified in one Microsoft technology. Dear goodness I took a long break after that first test. So long that I think it won't be much longer before it expires.

Learn exactly why the Sunnis and Shiites hate each other so much.

Make sure my wife and shawties know every day how much I love them.

The Best Drinking Glass EVER !!!

This is the gift that Zack gave to me. It's my drinking glass whenever I'm at his abode.

CR To Gary: You Got Punk'd !!!

People who know LP and me know we worship the sage advice of CR. Call us narrow-minded but when there are 6,000 models of any given product it's nice to have a starting point.

So we're digital camera shopping again. I still love our Fuji 3mp camera but it's a little bulky and a hassle to just stow and run. We decide to supplement it with a subcompact.

I completely disregarded the advice of CR on this one. I fell in love with the Canon SD630 'cause it's small, has a HUGE LCD screen on the back and I had a great time playing with Zack's at his Christmas. CR ranked this camera right at the bottom of their subcompact category.

But we find a good price on it and jump to it. I'm having a great time with the camera until I actually pop the memory card in my computer the first time. Horse poo. The pictures looked like straight up donkey poo. I worked with every setting and the best I could get was vegetarian Gila monster poo. This thing sucked... HARD.

Now I'm faced with not only swallowing my pride but with returning this thing to Circuit City and paying a 15% restocking fee. Good news and good news, though. I was able to find the camera that CR had recommended (the SD550). There was only one in Memphis at Circuit City so I paid to have it held. And thank goodness someone out there thinks I'm hot. After some heavy flirting with the sweetie in customer service she waived the restocking fee. SWEET !! That move saved me $40 but may have cost me my marriage as I owe Heather a hot oil foot massage now. Hahahahaha. Just kidding; wanted to see if you were reading, LP.

The new camera is pocket-sized, cheaper than the first one I purchased and takes MUCH better pics.

Sorry CR. I won't disregard your advice in the future.

Gosh I Love This Game...

I wonder how I can swing getting one of these without upsetting LP?

Caddychicks.com (totally work safe)

Would Jesus Shop at Wal-Mart

Sweeeeeeeet !!! Thanks dannyR

We Need Fewer Stories Like This-- WAR EAGLE !!

AUBURN, Ala. -- Auburn University President Ed Richardson said an internal investigation determined that a faculty member changed students' grades, including those of some athletes, during 2002-04.

Richardson said in a statement Wednesday that Auburn will work with the Office of the Provost to determine "the appropriate corrective steps" against the professor. He didn't identify the professor or provide any details on how many grades were changed.

He said the university would take "quick and decisive action" on the matter.

A university spokesman said Auburn could not release the professor's name because it is a personnel matter. The grade changes involved only a small number of students, and few of them were athletes, according to the spokesman.

The New York Times has reported that at least one grade change at Auburn involved a student-athlete who was able to maintain eligibility when his grade in a directed-reading course was changed from incomplete to an "A" in 2003.

The change was made without the professor's knowledge, the newspaper said.

Richardson said Wednesday the university has fixed the process that allowed the grade changes to be made. He said Auburn will supply the NCAA with information "related to any issue involving student-athletes."

"We are committed to an academic program that plays by the rules," Richardson said.

Last month Richardson said irregularities in Auburn University's independent studies program were limited to two professors and were the result of insufficient oversight and poor record-keeping.

That internal investigation by a committee of academic administrators came after the New York newspaper's report that a sociology professor was helping football players and other athletes stay eligible through one-on-one courses, often called "directed reading" that do not require time in a classroom.

Richardson said the investigation found the independent study problems were limited to that sociology professor, Thomas Petee, and another in adult education, James Witte.

Petee resigned as chairman of the sociology department and Witte stepped down as program chair of adult education.

The Times had reported that 18 members of the undefeated 2004 Auburn football team, including star running back Cadillac Williams, took a combined 97 hours of Petee's courses during their careers.

None of the grade changes in the latest probe involved football players, the spokesman said Wednesday.

Copyright 2006 by The Associated Press

We Need More Heart-Warming Stories Like This One

DALLAS -- Clemson defensive back/wide receiver Ray Ray McElrathbey won the 2006 FedEx Orange Bowl Courage Award, given to a player, coach or support person in college football who displays courage -- on or off the field -- by the Football Writers' Association of America.

McElrathbey, a redshirt freshman, became the guardian for his 12-year-old brother, Fahmarr, this season.

The mother of Ray Ray and Fahmarr has a cocaine addiction; their father has a gambling addiction. The brothers' home life in Atlanta was not stable and both had spent time in foster care.

Ray Ray obtained temporary custody of Fahmarr and planned to support him with Pell grants, odd jobs and the monthly stipend for living off-campus.

After news of Ray Ray McElrathbey's situation was publicized, Clemson sought a waiver to allow a trust fund that would help McElrathbey care for his brother. The NCAA granted the waiver within 48 hours, citing the unique circumstances.

Also because of the waiver, Clemson coaches' families are allowed to help Ray Ray care for Fahmarr when it comes to transportation to and from school and other basic needs.

Ray Ray told The New York Times the NCAA's decision "lifted a little weight from my shoulders." But Clemson coach Tommy Bowden, among others, noted the heavy burden of responsibility Ray Ray had shouldered.

"I could not fathom a 19-year-old freshman being a father, going to school and playing college football," Bowden said. "I could not imagine at that age handling all the responsibilities that Ray Ray has done this year.

"It has been quite a story because I see the players, coaches and their families doing what they can to help Ray Ray and Fahmarr.

"Ray Ray is very deserving of this award from the Football Writers Association of America and the FedEx Orange Bowl."

Following the Tigers' bowl game, McElrathbey plans to be at the FedEx Orange Bowl, where he will be presented the Courage Award Trophy and will receive a donation from the Orange Bowl Foundation for the Fahmarr McElrathbey Trust.

Copyright 2006 by The Associated Press

Onion.com Article: BCS Determines No Team Worthy of Facing Ohio State in Championship Game

COLUMBUS, OH—In what many BCS officials are citing as "proof that their flawless system indeed works," no Division 1-A college football team was found to possess the sheer excellence required to face Ohio State, the No. 1 ranked team since the season began, in this year's BCS Championship game.

"The main job of the BCS is to place the best football players in the nation in a single game in order to decide the national champion," said BCS chairman Mike Coleman. "This year, our computer took hours to process the polls' relevant data—by which I mean the opinions of the nation's finest sportscasters, sports-radio hosts, coaches, color commentators, and ESPN The Magazine contributors—and determined that no championship game is necessary. No team in America deserves to even step on the same field as Ohio State, let alone actually play in a game against them."

"It's good to know that, after the Harris and the USA Today polls carefully and painstakingly take care of the fallible, emotional, potentially biased human element of the ranking through old-fashioned voting, the BCS then takes that human element and subjects it to its own infallible rigid mathematical formulas," Coleman continued. "It's a confidence-inspiring system that has never failed us before."

"Although I'll be the first to admit that previous years have usually featured some sort of game," Coleman added.

According to Coleman, the University of Florida's lackluster running game and one-loss season, USC's "abominable" offense and two losses, and Michigan having already lost to Ohio State 42-39 seemed to be the determining factors in the BCS's decision. Coleman also said that Ohio State clearly being the most popular and exciting team in college football didn't hurt. However, Coleman insisted on adamantly stating for the record that the BCS is not a popularity contest.

"I think this year more than any other year proves that the BCS is working," ESPN College GameDay anchor Lee Corso said during a live broadcast from Ohio State's campus. "The system does an excellent job taking into consideration things that poll voters don't even think about: strength of schedule, whether or not the team won their conference, total distance the teams' fans are willing to travel for bowl games, average amount spent on souvenirs by alumni, and grade point average. After all those things, it's Ohio State, baby. And only Ohio State."

Corso then put on the costume head of Ohio State mascot Brutus Buckeye and was met with cheers from thousands of students.

"My guys were disappointed at first, but they eventually understood," said Michigan coach Lloyd Carr. "We had our chance against Ohio State and we blew it, and I guess a rematch would be boring. But can you blame us for thinking we had a chance? Sure, Troy Smith is easily the best player ever, and that defense, well, quite frankly, I'd be afraid for our guys' safety if we had to go up against that defense again, but our fans are rabidly single-minded and a lot of them have poll votes."

"I wish Bo Schembechler had lived to see this," Carr added. "He had a vote in the poll, you know."

Florida Gators head coach Urban Meyer agreed with Carr, saying that even if his team had been offered a chance to play Ohio State, he may not have taken it.

"We don't deserve to play Ohio State. Period," Meyer said, adding that though Florida had a tough schedule, being the SEC champion was not the same thing as being Ohio State. "Every coach that I know voted for Ohio State in the coaches' poll, or at least had them second after their own team. In any case, I can certainly see why no one who votes in the BCS wants the national championship to be decided by a mere football game."

All coaches interviewed supported Meyer's claim, with the notable exception of Notre Dame head coach Charlie Weis, who said that despite his team's two losses, weak schedule, and unremarkable defense, he still felt in his heart that Notre Dame deserved a chance at the title—a feeling that, according to a BCS official who wished to remain anonymous, was not completely overruled.

"First of all, I should note that although Notre Dame is an independent, and a highly regarded independent at that, it does not have its own special set of rules as far as determining its football team's rankings," the official said. "Instead, we use a special set of mathematical algorithms to determine its football team's rankings, which the BCS specifically determines only after ranking all the other teams. And though I shouldn't say this, we—er, the computer—would have dearly loved to have seen Notre Dame in the championship."

The Fox network has announced that in place of the game on January 8, it will broadcast four hours of Buckeye players working out in preparation for the 2007 NFL draft.

How Big Is It?

Remember the Texas HS football game I went to a few weeks ago? The winning team's coach got hired as the new head coach at North Texas. Don't see the jump to Division 1A head coach from high school too often. And perhaps Coach Dodge will even have to take a pay cut and expect lower attendance at his upcoming job.

Religion Run Amok

Ummm, ummm, not sure what to say here. Good soundtrack and some great fight scenes.
Major props for Paul Turner for the link.

Benny Hinn-- Let the Bodies Hit the Floor

News and Rants for the Day

Chi Organ Harvesting
The Chinese admitted they use the organs of executed prisoners for organ transplants. Great idea I reckon except China is a country that I could see killing their own Olympic athletes to harvest organs for their dignitaries. Perhaps we nip this activity in the bud. Makes you wonder who's gonna disappear when the Olympics come to China in a few years. I wonder if Wal-Mart will be the title sponsors?

Computer Build
Got my computer built finally. Yep, did it all myself and I must say it is whoop ass. Every install thus far has been very seamless and I look forward to migrating everything off the old box to the new one. Oh no. I did it. I just entered the kingdom of nerds. Building your own computer pretty much means you've reached a level of geekiness that ensures you'll never have sex with a woman again.

The order (from lowest to highest) that ensures you'll never have sex with a woman again:
5. Getting married
4. Honestly answering the question "do these jeans make my butt look fat?"
3. Turning gay (if you're a man; if you're a woman it's all good)
2. Being deserted on an island by yourself
1. Building your own computer

The End Is Near
All season I've neglected my fantasy football team because (1.) I was not even aware I was in it until week 9 and (2.) when I finally did log in my team looked so awesome I decided not to change a thing.

My luck of the draft got me a regular season championship but initial projections have me losing in my first playoff game. I've torn the wire apart but can't find any good players to help me make up any points. Looks like I'll need more luck to pull this one off.

Atheists, Agnostics, Satan Worshippers; PLEASE STOP PRAYING FOR ME !!
Everyone knows the beef I have with non-believers celebrating Christmas. What are they celebrating... the birth of someone who they really don't believe in? Um, okay. I've done that rant before so I won't even rehash it.

My new beef is with non-believers saying "you're in my prayers" or "I'll pray for you." To whom are you gonna pray? You're not, okay !! So please stop trivializing religion, prayer or our God by saying stuff like that. It's almost a catchphrase these days and I don't like it.

The truth of the matter is that the people who actually are praying for me never say they are doing it.

Don't kick it like the Pharisees, dog.

Matthew 6:5-6: "And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men....when thou prayest, enter into thy closet and when thou has shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret...."

Das right. My most prayerful friends are in the closet. Um, not sure if that's good or bad.

Roooooooeeeeeeee Tahd
University of Alabama is asking anyone who can't attend the Independence Bowl to donate their tickets to military personnel. That's a nice gesture guys but did you ever think that our proud military folk would rather die in Iraq than spend New Year's in Shreveport, LA watching 'Bammer play... um, shoot, who are is 'Bammer playing in that game anyway?

It's Wednesday...

Danny and I are IM'ing about the Devil Juice from Saturday night at Zack's. My head is still foggy, my stomach is in knots and my butt hurts.

I'm still convinced I'll never drink again.

Went to Schnuck's last night and nearly threw up when I saw my favorite beer-- Blue Moon. If I can't make love to that mistress then I know something is wrong.

He Lit Up When She Arrived...

Subtitle: Zack's Holiday Roll; I Got Rolled Too
Subtitle: Jason Baker: The Devil Totes Tequila
Subtitle: Why I Hate My Friend Zack
Subtitle: Gary Z: I'm Never Drinking Again; Not Even Vanilla Extract
Subtitle: A Prayer to God: Please Kill Me Now

Every year Zack has his Holiday Roll party and every year it conflicts with LP's Christmas party at Deloitte. This year, Zack won 'cause we figured it to be much more fun and plus you just can't keep stiff arming one of your amigos year-in and year-out.

LP and I show up to Zack's and are greeted with awesome food (Zack is a really good cook for a straight guy.... or maybe he's not straight. Hmmmmmm) and a beer whose name I remembered until I drank myself silly.

Zack's friend Jason Baker then shows up with the Devil Juice; an innocent concoction simply labeled "Pineapple Tequila." Zack urges me to do a few shots of the Devil Juice and all is well. Twenty minutes later Mike Tyson walks in and donkey punches me. I'm all like WTF, why are the walls moving and why is it that when I whisper about some chick across the room being hot she turns around and stares? Perhaps it's because my whisper voice has been replaced with drunken megaphone voice.

As I stagger to the door I strongly suggest LP drive us home. No sh1t Sherlock. I'm flatlining on the EEG and she's been drinking water all night.

LP and I get home and I'm full on spins, sweating straight liquor and heading to the lavatory to purge myself of the Devil Juice. Yeah, I MADE myself yack as I could not stand the toxin eating away at me any longer.

Sunday was perhaps worse than the night before. I played in a company golf tournament and the first nine holes were spent sweating out more Devil Juice, eating Pepto Bismal tablets like they were Tic Tacs and doing body shots of Advil.

I know I've said it 200 times before but I think I really mean it this time... I'm never drinking again.

The good news from the party is that apparently Zack has a new hot little lady friend. I noticed she wasn't wearing a wedding band to which Pepper, Zack's roommate replied "no kidding. I said she was Zack's lady friend not his married lady friend." Sorry the Devil Juice stole my logic. LP noted that Zack "lit up when she arrived." For a gay dude, Zack sure does hang out with cute girls.

A Down Day

I was sad to wake up this morning and see that Eufaula lost in the Super Six Championship Game last night.

It was a great season and the AL 5A championship was, unfortunately, their only loss of the season.

Keep rollin' in da Lake City.

BCS: Only One Way to Know if We Got It Right

I guess I should not say "we" since I'm not in that group that supports the BCS.

However, there are all the arguments flying around about Michigan getting left out of the Big Game. First, I don't care. I will NEVER, EVER care when someone feels they got screwed by the BCS. Refer to Auburn 2004 and you'll understand why I'm so jaded and don't extend sympathy to folks whining about their teams getting screwed. I figured the more teams getting screwed, the more likely a revolt and an end to the BCS.

But, I'll present an argument as the only way that we'll know if the BCS got it right this year: Florida has to bring home the win.

Simple enough. If Florida wins I think we can say with confidence that we found the one team capable of toppling Ohio State. USC lost 2 games, sorry. Michigan had it's chance and lost, sorry. Michigan, let's just consider your game at the Horseshoe to be the Big-10 Championship and you lost it.

However, if Florida loses then people will continue to battle over whether we set up the game correctly. The questions will remain if there was another team more worthy.

And maybe there is... Boise State is undefeated.

Ooooooo Weeeeeeee, It's Hot in Here...

There must be a Tiger in the atmosphere. Eufaula, Lake City, Tiger that is.

My home town team high school football team is headed to the bright lights (and beer bottles and dirty syringes and homeless people) of Legion Field to play for the 5A state championship. The last time Eufaula played for a state title, Michael Jackson was still black and we believed he was mostly hetero as well.

WHAT DO 20% OF THE TEAMS IN THE BCS BOWL GAMES HAVE IN COMMON? THEY LOST TO AUBURN. WAR DAMN EAGLE !!!!!

Thank goodness Florida is making to the big game AND Auburn is going to the Cotton Bowl. Of course, after waiting over 10 years to see Auburn in the Cotton Bowl I won't be able to make it. The family is headed to South Dakota to visit my moms. I'll live t/ James and Matt since they're going.

Had the championship game been a rematch of Ohio State-Michigan I just would have tagged it the "Who Gives Phuck Bowl" and would have spent that night drinking myself silly on malt liquor.

Man, why do I love the Toyota Tacoma commercials so much? This one featuring a Tacoma getting chewed on by Nessie just kills. Or the girlfriend who tries to kill her bofriend's truck. Awesome.

Peas.

Languish

1 a : to be or become feeble, weak, or enervated b : to be or live in a state of depression or decreasing vitality
2 a : to become dispirited b : to suffer neglect

That's how my boss described my life as the current project I'm on won't die. I'm hoping today is the day I put this thing to rest.

It's stealing my joy. Which is also a fond way to describe any coach who might take the Bammer job since Shula got fired. Just kidding. A strong Bammer program is actually good for Auburn. Look at what happens when rivals suck-- a la Mississippi State and Ole Miss. Hell, they don't even televise that game any longer and it's an intra-state rivalry.

So how long do you give a coach before you fire them? Did Bammer give Shula enough time? In Shula's case I think hiring him may have been a mistake. I'm thinking interim head coach would have been better for the program [of course, that kills recruiting]. They hired Shula when Price flaked out and there really were not any coaches on the market since it was summer. Bammer should have perhaps used an interim head coach or hired/fired Shula after one year when they could conduct a more thorough search and get a coach they knew would be solid in the long haul. You know, like Ray Perkins. Ouch, that's gonna leave a mark.

Time to give a coach: 5-6 years if your program is in shambles (Bammer). 2 years if you walk into an outstanding program and can't produce up to the program's potential (Les Miles at LSU). Yes, Les has had two 10-win seasons but with the talent at LSU he prolly should have had 2 national championships in his time there.

I think you have to evaluate at 5-6 years and here's my timeline.

2 years to get the garbage out

2 years to recruit

After a few years of recruiting you need to look at your recruits and get excited about them. They may have not matured yet but you should be able to look at them and say to yourself "man, these kids are phucking good." You should perhaps be bowl eligible at this point. That's another step forward.

After you've had 2 Senior classes roll t/ this is your final evaluation. Did you pass 2 classes through and still end up with losing records or did you make solid progress?

I've got a nice cup of coffee and a cigar on my desk. Perhaps I'll have a little smoke when no one's looking. Cigars don't make much stink do they?