Reader Poll
I can over-analyze ANY decision.
Today's over-analysis includes car buying. Man, I love my Pathy and it fits me like a glove. However, I don't think it was really made for a family of 4 and a 6+ foot tall primary driver. So it actually fits more like OJ's infamous "if it don't fit you must acquit glove" rather than a "snug as bug in a rug glove".
So I'm looking at a larger SUV-- so the kids have room and so my head doesn't rub the ceiling any longer. Our candidates: Toyota Seqouia, Chevy Tahoe/Suburban, Ford Expedition. And because I'll never be attractive to anyone outside seedy online chat rooms, I'll throw a minivan in the mix. I mean, once you've given up on youthful hotness you really should not be concerned with the vehicle you drive.
So, here's my categories and rankings.
Spelling
The Toyota gets last because I never can seem to spell it correctly more than once in a day. I grew up in the Lake City. We had no need to spell Sequoia, Seqoiuaoa or whatever. The only variety of trees we had were pine, oak, elm, dogwood and tall.
Winner: Tahoe (hehehehehe, I said "ho")
Gas Mileage
My wallet aches.
Winner: minivan
Losers: Redwood and Expedition
Reliability
Winner: Pine tree
Losers: Tahoe is less of a loser, Expedition gets biggest loser
Bubba Factor
Where gonna the most love when you show up at the Honky Tonk
Winner: Ford
Losers: minivan and Ricer
Availability and Pricing
Winners: Expedition followed by Tahoe. No problem finding 600 of these on a car lot in Memphis at any given hour. Most of them even run.
Loser: Toyota-- harder to find and more expensive than a virgin in Frayser, TN
Resale Value
Winner: Ford. "Huh?" you ask. Its value comes in its super convenience. You don't resell it-- you just throw it out and get a new one
Loser: Dogwood. When you buy a Toyota you better be prepared to keep the damn thing for the next 50 years.
Interior
Loser: Tree. Thanks for the option of light grey or light tan. Kids with muddy feet and spilled Kool-Aid look great in either.
Winner: Tahoe-- Black leather. Looks good on my new love Gwen Stefani and in car interiors.
MILF Factor
MILFs seem to prefer Tahoes/Yukons/Suburbans
I like MILFs. I think I want to be one.
Spaciousness
Push. Any of the mentioned vehicles are large enough to carry a small army and invade many third world countries.
Winner. Y'all tell me. Currently my choice is an Infiniti G35 with a 3-phase Stillen supercharger.
How did that one enter the mix? I told you. I can over-overanalyze things to the point where I completely confuse myself.
Today's over-analysis includes car buying. Man, I love my Pathy and it fits me like a glove. However, I don't think it was really made for a family of 4 and a 6+ foot tall primary driver. So it actually fits more like OJ's infamous "if it don't fit you must acquit glove" rather than a "snug as bug in a rug glove".
So I'm looking at a larger SUV-- so the kids have room and so my head doesn't rub the ceiling any longer. Our candidates: Toyota Seqouia, Chevy Tahoe/Suburban, Ford Expedition. And because I'll never be attractive to anyone outside seedy online chat rooms, I'll throw a minivan in the mix. I mean, once you've given up on youthful hotness you really should not be concerned with the vehicle you drive.
So, here's my categories and rankings.
Spelling
The Toyota gets last because I never can seem to spell it correctly more than once in a day. I grew up in the Lake City. We had no need to spell Sequoia, Seqoiuaoa or whatever. The only variety of trees we had were pine, oak, elm, dogwood and tall.
Winner: Tahoe (hehehehehe, I said "ho")
Gas Mileage
My wallet aches.
Winner: minivan
Losers: Redwood and Expedition
Reliability
Winner: Pine tree
Losers: Tahoe is less of a loser, Expedition gets biggest loser
Bubba Factor
Where gonna the most love when you show up at the Honky Tonk
Winner: Ford
Losers: minivan and Ricer
Availability and Pricing
Winners: Expedition followed by Tahoe. No problem finding 600 of these on a car lot in Memphis at any given hour. Most of them even run.
Loser: Toyota-- harder to find and more expensive than a virgin in Frayser, TN
Resale Value
Winner: Ford. "Huh?" you ask. Its value comes in its super convenience. You don't resell it-- you just throw it out and get a new one
Loser: Dogwood. When you buy a Toyota you better be prepared to keep the damn thing for the next 50 years.
Interior
Loser: Tree. Thanks for the option of light grey or light tan. Kids with muddy feet and spilled Kool-Aid look great in either.
Winner: Tahoe-- Black leather. Looks good on my new love Gwen Stefani and in car interiors.
MILF Factor
MILFs seem to prefer Tahoes/Yukons/Suburbans
I like MILFs. I think I want to be one.
Spaciousness
Push. Any of the mentioned vehicles are large enough to carry a small army and invade many third world countries.
Winner. Y'all tell me. Currently my choice is an Infiniti G35 with a 3-phase Stillen supercharger.
How did that one enter the mix? I told you. I can over-overanalyze things to the point where I completely confuse myself.
posted by Gary Z at
7:19 AM
4 Comments:
I've always been partial to the Tahoes and Suburbans. My dad had a Suburban when I was kid and I friggin loved that thing, but I am SO HAPPY I don't have to fill the gas tank on it.
By
Bill, At
11:57 AM
You fill the gas tank on a Dodge Ram pickup with big ass exhaust pipes. How is that different from a Tahoe/Suburban?
By
Gary Z, At
11:59 AM
His gas tank was 7 gallons bigger and my gas mileage is close to 50% better than his was.
By
Bill, At
1:23 PM
Gas mileage is overrated...don't even consider it. Plus, just remind yourself that everytime you fill-up, you are contributing to the Phyfer World Fund for Hunger Relief. It fights hunger all over Eastover Subdivision in Jackson, MS through duck hunting in the poor Mississippi Delta. I challenge you to find a better cause!!
By
LIGHTNING, At
7:10 AM
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