White Death 2007

So the prediction is for a wintry mix tonight in Memphis. I could go on my rant about folks storming Kroger to buy all the canned goods, water and batteries they can get their hands on, but I've worn that diatribe out.

We overreact around here when we hear the words "ice" or "snow" in the forecast, I won't doubt that. And living in the South where we have 300+ days of sunshine per year, we're totally unequipped to keep our roads cleared. So we're kinda disabled when we get bad winter weather and the folks who do venture out in their 4X4's and think they can conquer the ice usually end up eating a guardrail or concrete divider.

But people in the "real" North make fun of us for this. They brag they have snowplows running as soon as the first flake touches asphalt. They mock us and laugh that we close down the city for a week because of 2 inches of snow.

Well, let me turn this around on my arrogant Northern brethren. You guys know when you get the freakish spell of hot weather in the summer? It's 100 degrees with 50% humidity and you're all whining "ohhhh, my skin's on fire. I'm dehyrdated and my neighbors are all dying from heat stroke, WAAAAAAAAAAAH !!! I can't go outside to get to work because the tires on my car just melted, WAAAAAAAAAH !!!"

In the South, we call 100 degrees and 50% humidity "a fine day for a stroll around the block with the family." It's so hot and humid here that it feels like you're roasting in a wet potato sack in a convection oven. But we don't get all pissy and start dying left and right. We just hit the city pool; "G's up, watch my cannonball !!!"

Mock us now, but remember bitches, August is just around the corner.

I Changed My Mind... The Human Race is Gonna Burn in Hell

Thanks, I guess, to DannyR for finding this article.
No props will be given to PaulT for actually finding the ACTUAL video of the man getting screwed to death by an Arabian stallion.

Documentary on bestiality premieres at Sundance Film Festival

By Kenneth Turan
Los Angeles Times
Posted January 21 2007, 6:39 PM EST

PARK CITY, Utah -- "Zoo" is a documentary about what director Robinson Devor accurately characterizes as "the last taboo, on the boundary of something comprehensible." But remarkably, an elegant, eerily lyrical film has resulted.

"Zoo," premiering before a rapt audience Saturday night at Sundance, manages to be a poetic film about a forbidden subject, a perfect marriage between a cool and contemplative director (the little-seen "Police Beat") and potentially incendiary subject matter: sex between men and animals. Not graphic in the least, this strange and strangely beautiful film combines audio interviews (two of the three men involved did not want to appear on camera) with elegiac visual re-creations intended to conjure up the mood and spirit of situations. The director himself puts it best: "I aestheticized the sleaze right out of it."

LocalLinks
Devor and his writing partner, Charles Mudede, live in Seattle and were stunned, as were many in the state, by a story that broke in 2005 about a local man who died after having sex with an Arabian stallion. Though bestiality is not illegal in Washington, the subsequent revelation of the existence of an Internet-based zoophile community (the men refer to themselves as "zoos," hence the title) was a shock.

Though there was the inevitable tabloid fuss, what Devor called "the prurient spectacle," the filmmaker was also "shocked that nobody did an in-depth look at this, that there was no investigative reporting rounding the story out with the psychology involved. I thought, 'This is an opportunity.' "

Though "Zoo" is intent on allowing these men to be heard, Devor's intention was not polemical. "I'm not in there wrestling with the legal or animal cruelty issues," he said. Rather, he envisioned a film like his others: "I count on the natural world pulling my films through. I thought the marriage of this completely strange mind-set and the beauty of the natural world could be something interesting."

In introducing "Zoo" at Sundance, Devor called it "a difficult film and a difficult film to make."

He added: "A lot of people looked at me as if I was an exploitative person, dredging up something for profit, and that bothered me. I was certainly asked many times, often with a wrinkled brow, 'Why are you making this film?' It was something I did resent; I thought artists had the opportunity to explore anything."

In the end, Devor ended up agreeing with the Roman writer Terence, who said "I consider nothing human alien to me."

"It happens," the filmmaker said, "so it's part of who we are."

Go Michigan !!

I like this. Don't cheat on your spouse in Michigan or you'll spend life in jail... potentially followed by a God-less eternity.

I think to outdo Michigan my friend Danny R. is gonna push for public stonings in Mississippi.

Yeah, Well We Got Our Own Problems

You don't even have to know this person to get a kick out of this. Just imagine that the overseer of the breakroom at your work sent this out.

This is a literacy test.
Several of you failed it last year.
Let's try again.

Rinse and place your dirty dishes in the dishwasher.

Several of your co-workers clean up after you daily and ask me why people can't read and understand the sign. I have no answer for them. We work with very intelligent people, and for the life of me, I cannot figure out why some of you can't follow simple instructions.

Yes, it is true that the dishwasher gets full late in the day. However, there is almost always room left in the dishwasher if you will take a couple of seconds to rearrange a few dishes. If there is absolutely no more space, then -- and only then -- it is okay to rinse and leave your dishes in the sink.

Why not view this as a New Year's Resolution? Read (and follow ) the instructions:

Rinse and place your dirty dishes in the dishwasher.

No excuses. Even I can read that line without my glasses.

Regards,
Jack

Nope, Not a Legit Excuse

What if Genesis played out like this:

God: Abram, I will bless you with more children than there are grains of sand in the desert. You will be the father of many nations and many of your descendants will be kings and princes.
Abram: Whew, not sure about that big G. I mean, the world is such a jacked up place, who wants to bring a child up on this earth? And BTW, fuhget changing my name to all Abraham, I prefer Abrizzle 'cause da's what all da bizzles be calling me.

Of course it did not play out like that. Abram was jubilant (well, confused at first since he was rolling up on his 100th b/day).

Children are a blessing from God. My idealistic portion (though a small portion) feels that one purpose for marriage is for a Christian man and Christian women to come together and have children so that they can positively affect the world by rearing the next generation of Christians. This is one reason why I am adamantly opposed to gay marriage.

Sidenote: Here's my predicted downslide of society-- 1. legalize gay marriage 2. legalize polygamy 3. heck, why not legalize polygamist marriage to our pets. Perhaps if all those things happen and I'll take advantage of the system by adopting 45 dogs on their last leg, marrying them, taking out large life insurance policies on them then collecting as they die off. Yes, this scenario smacks of the absurdity of "A Modest Proposal", but let's keep some things, such as marriage, sacred.

So the above excuse about not wanting to have children because of the order of the world is about the most spineless and baseless reason I've ever heard. First off, the people I hear this from are not deeply philosophical. They laugh when they hear about Kant because they think you're talking about a girly's parts. Second, they live in the U.S.; a place on earth where we have ideal conditions to rear a child. I mean, seriously, I would respect folks who live in Darfur if the used the "bad world" excuse, but this is the United States.

But don't let me rant, I may be wrong.

Hmmmm, Is That a Compliment?

I can't believe I did not blog about this sooner. Sorry for not giving props to bBunch in the land where we all wish to live-- Tejas.

Bryan emailed me one day with a message that indicated he was in the music store and saw a CD that made him immediately think of me. He said I needed to watch the mail because it was coming. The anxiety killed me; not only to see what it was but also to gauge what associations someone might have between me and something in the record store.

The package came it was a CD from AfroMan. When I saw it I actually laughed so hard that I ruptured a disk in my back. However, I'm not sure if I should be flattered or frightened by Bryan's purchase.

Check the CD cover. It's very festive.



















The CD is nothing less than a riot with songs that include Deck My Balls, Let Her Blow, 12 J's of Christmas, O Chronic Tree and I Wish You Would Roll a New Blount.

And even more impressive is that AfroMan sets all this tunes to existing Christmas songs.

For more information (including tour dates-- he'll be in Auburn, AL on Jan 19; God help them) visit AfroManMusic.com

Tuesday Thoughts

Tired today after all the nervousness of the BCS National Championship game-- the game so big it transcends having the " Bowl" templated title.

I was super excited to see the SEC clean house on the mighty Ohio State. I certainly hope this gets a little more respect for the SEC. After housing OSU and Notre Dame in BCS games and going 6-3 in all bowl games (no other conference had 9 bowl eligible teams) I think the SEC proved it's having a pretty solid year.

BTW-- the mighty Ohio State is 0-8 versus SEC teams in bowl games. Way to bring your A-game guys.

Ole Miss Math
Cool that LSU and Florida whipped ass in their BCS games. Keep in mind that Auburn beat both these teams. Based upon this fact, Auburn is declared the victor by proxy of the SEC Championship game, the Sugar Bowl and the BCS National Championship. In addition, since Arkansas tanked their last 3 games of the season, their win over Auburn has been revoked since they clearly don't deserve to have that victory. Therefore, Auburn has finished the season at 15-1. Wow, what a year !! Where are da white women at?

The Arms Race
Did the NFL draft order get shaken up after the bowl games? Did anyone see Brady Quinn flounder against LSU? Did you notice your highly-touted Heisman Trophy winner, Troy Smith, look like a jackass against Florida? The number of times he was sacked exceeded the number of completions (5 versus 4). He's a friggin' disgrace to the trophy and should give it to Darren McFadden. Not sure if NFL scouts care but Jamarcus Russell improved his stock, in my opinion, over Quinn and Smith. We'll see how the NFL feels.

MEM- Most Embarassing Music
Question of the day: What the most embarassing music you have in your possession? On your iPod, MP3 player, on the CD rack just waiting for a party guest to bust your ass out. I'd have to say mine is Culture Club. A heroin-addicted tranny dancing around playing 80's music is pretty low.

Your tee shirt for the day...

Honestly, I Could Not Make This Up If I Tried

Thanks Paul...

From the Tuscaloosa News.

Some fans went crazy before, during and after Saban's arrival at Bammer:

Colette Connell, one of the more exuberant fans at the airport, even had her own Saban cheer: “Praise the Lord, God is so good, Nick is now in the Bama hood."

Later that day, Connell was arrested for driving under the influence.

And it's not complete without pics:
The Kiss


The Mugshot

'Bammer President's Mansion

I'm not hating. I'm just saying that they had to downgrade some of their facilities to give Saban that huge contract.

Back to Life, Back to Reality

Just got back from kicking it in the 57702-- Rapid City, SD. As soon as LP and I walked outside the airport I muttered "it's fuggin' cold, let's get out of here." Another reason I figure to live in the South-ish most of my life-- too thin-blooded.

This was actually a great test for me. When cycling everything revolved around getting my training in. Traveling to SD usually drove me crazy because I could not do my long workouts. This makes me pretty unbearable to be around (no nasty jabs here, please). With no pressing training issues facing me I ended up actually able to relax a lot more-- which is quite a feat for me. Not to say that Anna didn't run buck wild and test my patience but I think my a$$hole rating probably dropped a point or two this year.

Side note: That reminds of a lady who was a cycling official and team director. She once said that when a man puts on a bike helmet he becomes an idiot and when he swings a leg over a bike he turns into an a$$hole. Pretty accurate I think.

Rapid City has an awesome network of cycling and walking paths. I went for a walk on one but I immediately saw a "hill" that I had to run up. It was complete with a fireroad and tons of MTB paths. Not sure how anyone actually rides on those trails since the hill is so steep in some points that you can almost stretch your arm straight out and touch the ground in front of yourself.

So I make my way up the hill (what we'd call a mountain in the South) and I'm at least 1,000 feet above the city. I got to experience a sound that I NEVER get to experience in daily life-- silence. Pure, unadulterated silence. Clearing all the white noise from your brain almost makes you paranoid. It's a very unfamiliar sound. We always long for feedback and noise to keep our brains clicking along. It's easy to understand how my friend ZackPe has trouble sitting still and letting God talk to him in those silent moments. However, silence is powerful and useful.

I'm already looking forward to heading to SD in the summer for a little MTB'ing. Gotta go hit ebay now.

Cheerleaders Run Amok

Damnnnnnnnnn. Where were these girls when I was in high school? 

Cheerleaders Run Amok in Texas - Newsweek Society - MSNBC.com

Know That I Speak From Envy

If you hear me call Nick Saban a liar, sinner or whore, just know it's envy that's driving me. Of course I'm a little envious that my school's primary rival just made what could one day be called one of the biggest hires in SEC history. If Saban does the same magic in Tuscaloosa that he did at LSU then 'Bammer could perhaps win 3 National Championships over the next 10 years. If the job hopper decides to stay 10 years that is.

And while Auburn's coach is good he's never won a national title. Being in Memphis I don't hear much Auburn chatter but I can't imagine that anyone is calling this a bad hire by 'Bammer.

LSU Who?
Let's be clear, you do not want to play LSU in a bowl game. You are more likely to get a knife stuck in your thigh than to actually win. LSU is 9-3 over their last 12 bowl games while the Fighting Golden Domers have lost an NCAA record 9 straight bowl games.

Oh snap... thanks DannyR for passing on this article from ESPN. Boy, they are reaming the South Bend boyz out. I'm not hating, ESPN.com is:

Even after Notre Dame lost its ninth consecutive bowl game Wednesday night -- yet another one in ugly fashion with a 41-14 loss to No. 4 LSU in the Allstate Sugar Bowl -- there is hope for Fighting Irish fans.

Even without record-setting quarterback Brady Quinn, receiver Jeff Samardzija and many more of its best players next season, Notre Dame will finally end its postseason drought, now the longest in NCAA history.

The Fighting Irish will end the postseason losing streak that dates back to 1994 because next season they'll be playing in some second-tier bowl game in a non-descript place like Shreveport, La., which is where they should have been playing during much of the last two decades.

Against LSU, Notre Dame once again proved it doesn't deserve to play in BCS bowl games, which have become its birthright because of the school's national stature and ability to draw high TV ratings.

And by shutting out the Fighting Irish in the second half and erupting for 577 yards of offense in the game, the Tigers again proved Notre Dame is no longer capable of beating teams like LSU. Or Ohio State, Michigan and Southern California, which also handed the Fighting Irish lopsided losses in the last year.

Notre Dame opened the season ranked No. 2 in the preseason Associated Press Top 25 poll, but never lived up to its lofty billing in its biggest games. The No. 11 Fighting Irish lost two in a row to finish the season, and were embarrassed in a bowl game for the second straight year. Ohio State beat the Irish 34-20 in the 2006 Fiesta Bowl.