So Goes The Car Search, So Soon the Demise of My Sanity

Hi Gary,

I sold the car this morning to a friend of mine who was in desperate need of a car.Thanks for your interest.And for the bid.

I am glad to have met you.

Wish you all the best.Take good care of your family.

Anna

с днем рождения, Victoria

It's about to be a barrage of blogging as I've got lots of topics built up lately. Prepare to read guys and girls.

However, first order of business: Happy Birthday (с днем рождения) to my homegirl Victoria D. Ahhh, young and tender at 23-years of age. Twenty-three was so long ago for me I don't even remember what I was doing back then. For her b/day I recommend that Victoria ditch her Bosnian boyfriend and hook up with a Latino for some spicy salsa dancing-- just for one night, he'll understand. Y'all have a lifetime to discuss life on the East Siyide (Eastern Bloc dat is).

Does God Answer Car Prayers aka My New Personal Ebay
So I met Paul for lunch yesterday. We were joined by aforementioned Vic D and Rheagan. Loyal blog readers they felt my pain in the SUV search. Strangely enough, they have a coworker who just that day put her deceased husband's Sequoia up for sale. Not only is Rheagan smoking hot, she's obviously connected in the car market as well. Sorry fellas, she's already married-- however if you don't have any physical defects you might be able to lure her away.

So Rheagan hooks me up with this lady who is selling the Seq. She's asking an outrageously low price for it. I go check it out-- 2005 model, 15,000 miles and MACKED OUT. From my research I'm guessing this car was close to $50,000 new and Kelly Blue Book lists it at nearly $34,000 used. She's asking $25,000. Holy shat !!! I'm on it dog !! Of course, so was everyone else in Memphis. I was the 5th person to look at the car yesterday afternoon. I told her I'd cut her a check right there. Unfortunately a small "bidding war" had broken out with a top offer of $27,500. Still $6,500 under Blue Book. I think, talk with LP, agonize then email her with an offer of $28,500. We'll see if it flies.

The bad news for Rheagan is that the increase in price is eating into her bonus. Sorry. You'll only get one Tiffany's diamond bracelet now.

I'll keep you updated. If God answers more car prayers then it will be that I win this bidding war. If I have to go through another 6 months of car shopping I figure LP and will be divorced.

Let's Take a Little Trip

So my friend Paul is going to Moscow soon. I say he's a wuss 'cause he's flying.

Google Maps indicates there are other ways to get to Moscow.

Check out the directions here and be sure to see step 19

Reader Poll

I can over-analyze ANY decision.

Today's over-analysis includes car buying. Man, I love my Pathy and it fits me like a glove. However, I don't think it was really made for a family of 4 and a 6+ foot tall primary driver. So it actually fits more like OJ's infamous "if it don't fit you must acquit glove" rather than a "snug as bug in a rug glove".

So I'm looking at a larger SUV-- so the kids have room and so my head doesn't rub the ceiling any longer. Our candidates: Toyota Seqouia, Chevy Tahoe/Suburban, Ford Expedition. And because I'll never be attractive to anyone outside seedy online chat rooms, I'll throw a minivan in the mix. I mean, once you've given up on youthful hotness you really should not be concerned with the vehicle you drive.

So, here's my categories and rankings.

Spelling
The Toyota gets last because I never can seem to spell it correctly more than once in a day. I grew up in the Lake City. We had no need to spell Sequoia, Seqoiuaoa or whatever. The only variety of trees we had were pine, oak, elm, dogwood and tall.
Winner: Tahoe (hehehehehe, I said "ho")

Gas Mileage
My wallet aches.
Winner: minivan
Losers: Redwood and Expedition

Reliability
Winner: Pine tree
Losers: Tahoe is less of a loser, Expedition gets biggest loser

Bubba Factor
Where gonna the most love when you show up at the Honky Tonk
Winner: Ford
Losers: minivan and Ricer

Availability and Pricing
Winners: Expedition followed by Tahoe. No problem finding 600 of these on a car lot in Memphis at any given hour. Most of them even run.
Loser: Toyota-- harder to find and more expensive than a virgin in Frayser, TN

Resale Value
Winner: Ford. "Huh?" you ask. Its value comes in its super convenience. You don't resell it-- you just throw it out and get a new one
Loser: Dogwood. When you buy a Toyota you better be prepared to keep the damn thing for the next 50 years.

Interior
Loser: Tree. Thanks for the option of light grey or light tan. Kids with muddy feet and spilled Kool-Aid look great in either.
Winner: Tahoe-- Black leather. Looks good on my new love Gwen Stefani and in car interiors.

MILF Factor
MILFs seem to prefer Tahoes/Yukons/Suburbans
I like MILFs. I think I want to be one.

Spaciousness
Push. Any of the mentioned vehicles are large enough to carry a small army and invade many third world countries.

Winner. Y'all tell me. Currently my choice is an Infiniti G35 with a 3-phase Stillen supercharger.

How did that one enter the mix? I told you. I can over-overanalyze things to the point where I completely confuse myself.

To Knee or Not To Knee

I share every other misery with folks so I can't believe I've not filled y'all in on this one.

Last August when I "retired" from competitive cycling I started running a bunch. One thing led to another and I had to stop due to a lot of knee pain.

I went to the biggest pimp of orthopaedic surgeons in Memphis, Frederick Azar. This guy is money. He's the team doc for our NBA team, a couple of local colleges and our pro hockey team. If anyone can fix me he can, right?

He shoots some x-rays, does an MRI and declares I have patella chondromalacia (aka ouchy on the knee). Basically, from 15 years of hard riding I've worn down some cartilage on the back of my knee cap and now I get some bone-on-bone rubbing when the patella does it bizness of sliding up and down.

His recommendation: glucosamine and maybe some PT. What we later find out is that PT actually made things worse because this was not a muscular problem (though my affected leg is nearly 1.5 inches smaller than the "normal" leg).

So hold up, this guy is the team doc for multi-million dolla NBA players... does he tell them to pop some Sam's Club Joint Health tabs and continue on? Unlikely, so I get a recommendation and go to another ortho doc.

His take? Sorry son, you're S.O.L. That's it? That can't be it. I cried like a 12-year-old girl who's puppy had just been run over. Thank goodness I was in no condition to mingle with people because I was on the verge of doing some serious shopping therapy-- and Best Buy and the local Chevy dealer had my name all over them.

So basically I am 36-years-old, have been super active for the past 15 of those years and now have osteoarthritis in my knee which the 2nd doc means I'll never enjoy pain free 100 mile rides or half-marathons (which I consider a "normal level of activity").

The good news....
I got a shot of cortisone in the knee and feel like a champ
There is the option of SynVisc which I'll be all over
My parents didn't let me play football growing up. Huh? How's that related? Obviously my body (also judging by genetics in my family) is predisposed to some knee problems. Currently, my tendons, ligaments and other cartilage is in great condition. That's prolly due to the fact that my parents would not let me play football (despite my desperate pleadings) growing up.

So repeat after me "Mom, I was wrong. You were right. Thank you."

My penance will be paid in the fact that now I'm a parent and I'll have about 20-30 years before my children realize that their parents were right on some things.

What's Your Next Job?

Y'all weren't much help on getting a new domain name so here's another one.

I was reading an article recently that indicated you need to have another career in your back pocket if your current one fades away due to being over qualified. The specific example they used was software development. After 10 years, you're potentially over qualified, blah, blah, blah. First off, that's unlikely to happen anytime soon because, at least in Memphis, there is a huge dearth of talent and many companies are willing to pay whatever it takes to get good IT people.

So if your current job disappeared today and you had to move to another career what would it be? Here's a few of my ideas.

Strength and conditioning coach for a university. I'd make sure my boyz and girlz were so fit in any given sport that we'd have a 3 deep rotation running full speed all game.

Coffee farm owner-- enough Spanish and I'm headed to Guatemala to make this one happen.

House husband. Huh? Yeah. If we had the means I'd soooo love to work on the household projects and kid toting that I don't really get to do now. Oh yeah, I'd also find 2 hours a day to workout so I'd be the neighborhood "DILF" -- Dad I'd Like to F.

Photographer. It's something I like but never got enough time to develop. I'm not very artistic/creative so this one would get shelved in order to work out.

New Logo From Danny R.

In case you didn't know, software development is like taking your car to the shop. You know how you'll have some problem that magically disappears when you take your car in for service?

Deploying an application is kinda the same in reverse. You'll have zero problems in development, then as soon as you go to Production the world falls apart. How can that be? There are no bugs, everything worked fine on MY computer. Well, thanks to Danny R. we now have an official certification for times like this. I don't give a damn what problems y'all are having... it works fine on my box...

Sorry, Memfuss. I'm Using My Hatin' Voucher Today

Anyone care to guess the caption that might go along with this cheerful looking photo?

A. "Happy Fellow Wins Lottery !!!"
B. "Soldier Returns Home from Iraq to Ecstatic Brother, Family"
C. "One of many suspects arrested in a pre-dawn sweep by Memphis police calls out to a TV crew wanting to know when he will be on so he can tell his children to watch."

So that's what parenthood has come to in my fair city. Make sure you catch the six o'clock kids 'cause daddy just made it big. Phack, maybe he'll use this video as his audition tape for "American Idol."

I just don't even know what to say other than the answer is "C" and here's the rest of the article:

While the city sleeps, Memphis police move in on suspected drug outlaws
The Commercial Appeal
By Alex Doniach
March 9, 2007

It's barely 5 a.m. and still dark as 100 Memphis police officers strap on their vests, load their weapons and caravan into quiet Memphis neighborhoods.

They spend most of Thursday morning looking for 56 people charged with drug crimes or prostitution. They find most of them.

Thud thud thud

They pound on front doors, weapons raised.

Sleepy Barris Reed comes to the door on Victor Street in South Memphis. Reed, who is 47 and charged with drug dealing, wears a yellow sweatshirt and light jeans he didn't have time to button.

A bewildered woman carrying a Bud Light follows him out and hurries down the street.

The team of police cuff Reed's wrists. He'll go first to Tobey Park at Central and Hollywood, and then be shuttle-bused with other rounded-up prisoners to the Shelby County Jail.

"The earlier we get to these homes the better," said Sgt. Roger Nelson, one of seven men who spent most of Thursday morning hunting for five felons. "These guys are either still asleep or just coming in. It's important to keep up that element of surprise."

Police caught 33 people in the citywide roundup that followed months of investigations by the Memphis Police Department's Organized Crime Unit.

To locate all 56 who were indicted this week, undercover officers traveled in and out of homes notorious for crime. Nine of the homes were boarded up this week, their landlords served with nuisance complaints.

The defendants have been indicted on 398 criminal counts that include unlawful possession of a controlled substance with intent to manufacture, sell or deliver. Two of the defendants were indicted for prostitution and public indecency charges in connection with the ongoing Platinum Plus and Tunica Cabaret investigations. A few face up to 30 years in prison.

"These are not fly-by-night arrests but the culmination of months, sometimes years, of investigations," said police spokesman Sgt. Vince Higgins. "Guns, gangs and drugs all drive the crime in this city."

Among those arrested was Darnell Dantzler, 33, the only suspect also wanted on federal charges. He allegedly sold crack cocaine to undercover officers on four separate occasions. He faces a possible life sentence.

Dantzler, a reputed member of the Crips, willingly handed himself over when officers rushed his house on Benton Street in South Memphis.

Marcus Clear, also wanted on drug charges, turned himself in at Tobey Park after he heard police were looking for him.

When TV crews approached for an interview, he asked when it would air so his children could watch.

He bantered more with them, announcing he was giving up crime and would get a real job.

Where? asked a TV crewman, and Clear replied, "Down at the station, working with you."

"The frustrating part is that a lot of the guys we arrest today know they can be back on the street tomorrow on bail," Nelson said.

Higgins acknowledged that arresting drug dealers won't end crime because new dealers will pop up.

But these types of roundups will work if police partner with the courts to implement longer sentences that don't include the option of parole, Higgins said.

"If we can get vertical prosecution, meaning some real prosecutorial attention and stiffer penalties, then the next kid popping up will say, 'I don't want to look at 12 years, day for day,'" he said. "It's the deterrence factor."

-- Alex Doniach: 529-5231

More Info:

THE ROUNDUP BY THE NUMBERS

Indictments: 133 indictments against 54 adults and 2 juveniles, totaling 398 counts.

Arrested: 33, including 1 juvenile.

Charges: Various drug crimes and prostitution.

Sentences: Ranging from 6 months to 30 years; and one defendant faces life.

Crack houses closed: 9

Incidental arrests: 9 on drug charges who were not among the 54 being sought.

During drug sweep

Police find 12 bloody pit bulls

Twelve bloody, malnourished pit bulls were discovered Thursday in Southwest Memphis as police swept through the city looking for wanted felons.

The dogs' owner, Dertick Harris, 32, was arrested for drug possession. Police said they discovered marijuana and more than 84 grams of crack cocaine at his home on Margaret Road, near Third Street and Holmes Road.

Police spokesman Sgt. Vince Higgins said Harris could also face animal cruelty charges.

"We're going to work closely with animal control to find out the condition of those dogs," Higgins said.

He said the 12 pit bulls, in addition to two additional pit bulls in the care of two other people arrested Thursday, were picked up by Memphis Animal Services.

-- Alex Doniach