Update on Last Post's Comment, I Know Who Loves Me

I made my last post on the best Mississippi writing post ever. Much thanks to the person who posted a comment regarding Ace. I knew Ace's name sounded familiar but I could not place it. Then *BAM*, the commenter mentioned Auburn football and I was taken right back to that game in 1993 at Auburn when Ace had the game of his life against Florida.

Ace sacked Danny Wuerffel and that game even made the most skeptical of us believe that Auburn could go perfect on the season, which we did.

Ace Wraps Up Wuerffel


It looks like I'll basically flounder in getting my New Year's resolution list completed... or even started for that matter.

However, going to a Cowboys game is one thing that's done... check.

LP's bro, James, got us set up with awesome tickets to see the Cowboys and Redskins. Thirty-yard-line, 12th row and a parking pass. If James wore a little more gold he'd definitely warrant our Big Pimpin' moniker. He gotz skillz.

James P. Rolls on 26's


Does Dallas have the hottest collection of women ever?

OMG, here's the job description:
WANTED: Female, perfect skin, perfect age, perfect face, perfect body, perfect EVERYTHING, mad flexibility, dance skillz and sessual appeal. No one less than a 10 should apply.

I reckon you'd be lucky to find someone like that anywhere. Except in Dallas they have 40 of them and they're called the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. Dear God, help me. Can you imagine the hundreds of 9.9's who interviewed for this job but were turned away because they just weren't up to par.

The dude who sat next to me at the game was a crazy Asian guy. He would get so fired up everytime the cheerleaders came on the field.
"I came all the way from Houston for this !!!"
"Yeah, I came from Memphis."
"Ahhhhhhhhhh, sheeeeeeeeeeet. Why did we ever get married ?!?!?"
"Um, right. Cuz if we weren't married we'd totally score with one of those chicks. Riiiiiiiiiiight."

Funny how the players look different on the field with their helmets on versus when they're in street clothes.

Barber at Game Time


Barber Hits the Head at Halftime

Best Mississippi Article Ever

This article, by Mississippi writer Ace Atkins, appeared in Outside Magazine a few months ago.

Who wudda thunk a Mississippi man driving an F-150 would have so much interest in environmentalism?

This article gives a heads up to the smug folks who think that driving their Prius is gonna save the planet.

Shut Up About My Truck
Sure, it's big, bad, and thirsty. But I love it—and you can't judge a man by his wheels alone.

By Ace Atkins

Picture this:
You're at a stoplight, feeling smug in your new Prius, when a big Ford F-150 rumbles up. A large, scruffy guy in a baseball hat is behind the wheel, clearly enjoying his gas-guzzling V-8 engine, four-wheel drive, and oversize mud tires. You notice the tag: He's from Mississippi. Oh, great, you think—a red-stater. The son of a bitch probably never even saw An Inconvenient Truth and tunes in to Fox News between reruns of Walker, Texas Ranger.

Of course, the guy in the Prius may not be you. But the guy in the F-150 is definitely me—although, for the record, I don't watch Fox and I prefer the dearly departed Deadwood to Chuck Norris. And, yes, on this page of this environmentally aware magazine, I'm here to declare that I don't feel bad about driving my truck. Not a bit. In fact, I love my truck. I love the power of the engine, the durable construction, and the way my 1-ELVIS license plate (proudly purchased at Graceland) looks above the front bumper.

But I also care a lot about the health of the planet. So let's talk about that sneer you're wearing when you see me on the road. When you do this, I'm reminded of the immortal words of Mississippi native Bo Diddley: "Before you accuse me, take a look at yourself."

Does your life match your ride?

I'm a writer by profession, but I own a farm and often haul hay and feed from the local co-op. I drive mainly on rural roads—some unpaved—where a quick thunderstorm can strand most cars. My wife and I grow much of our food, shunning chemicals for manure from a nearby pasture. What we don't grow, we try to buy at a farmers' market less than a mile up the road or at our local butcher and baker. We also run a dog-rescue group, transporting animals in large crates that would mean multiple trips in a smaller truck.

Now, to you. You drive an eco-friendly gas sipper. That's great. But after you park it, then what? Maybe you're a frequent business traveler, reading this on a plane. Did you know that the average commercial flight in the U.S. burns more than 22 gallons per passenger?

Lucky me; I work at home.

Speaking of homes, how big is yours? In the 1970s, the average new American house was 1,700 square feet. Today it's almost 2,500, and many homes are bigger than 3,000, which sounds great until you consider that household energy use is directly correlated with size.

I live in an 1,800 square-foot house built more than a century ago to withstand long summers of 100-degree heat and 80 percent humidity. Thanks to high ceilings, shade trees, and good ventilation, we use a window air-conditioning unit only at the hottest time in the afternoon. In the winter, we use sweaters, hats, and extra blankets to get through the coldest days.

Maybe your house has a nice TV room, where you watch the Sundance Channel's The Green on a sweet flat-screen—which, by the way, probably uses three times more juice than my old television. And that doesn't include TiVos, DVD players, Xboxes, computers, and chargers for cell phones and miscellaneous iThings. These "vampire" energy suckers use up to 600 million watts every day across the United States.

I read a lot of books.

Finally, since you're reading Outside, I bet you're careful to eat healthy. But many of you can't grow anything yourself, since tilling up your yard for a garden might bring on the wrath of the homeowners association. Too bad, since a recent study done at the University of Alberta says that most of the environmental benefit of organic food disappears by the time it reaches your local supermarket.

I realize that not everyone can live the way I do—abandoning McMansions and high-tech toys to go rustic in the hills of north Mississippi. But as we roll together into an uncertain future, try to keep things in perspective. Contrary to the current fad, you don't become a better planetary citizen simply by investing in a more fuel-efficient car. That macrobiotic sushi wrap you just ate may have generated more emissions than my tailpipe did this week. And we're all entitled to a guilty pleasure or two—my truck, your flat-screen—as long as we do something to pay it back.

I work hard at doing just that. Do you?

The Pocket Argument
6 GOOD REASONS TO DRIVE A 4X4
1. Big, wet dogs
2. The local whitewater hole is not Yaris-accessible
3. Tailgating
4. "Sure, man, I can tow you out of there..."
5. Bench seats allow her to sit closer
6. Home Depot

For Every Dude Like Me, There's a Dude Like Him (or Her)

Man, for every person like me who thinks Memphis is the Taint of Tennessee, there's someone who thinks this place is the bee's knees. And yes, I am responsible for coining the phrase "Memphis, You're Just the Taint of Tennessee."

And not only does this cat love Memphis, they are in love with notoriously worst 'hood in Memphis-- Orange Mound.

Wow.... A New High, er Low

Just in time for Christmas, the date rape drug toy... (thanks for the link dannyR)

WASHINGTON (AP) - Millions of Chinese-made toys have been pulled from shelves in North America and Australia after scientists found they contain a chemical that converts into a powerful "date rape" drug when ingested. Two children in the U.S. and three in Australia were hospitalized after swallowing the beads.

and...........

Meanwhile, a separate recall was announced for 405,000 children's products made in China, most of them toy cars, because of dangerous levels of lead.

The recall includes about 380,000 Pull-Back Action Toy Cars imported by Dollar General Merchandising Inc. of Goodlettsville, Tenn., and 7,500 Dragster and Funny Car toys imported by International Sourcing Ltd. of Springfield, Mo.

A Bad Sports Weekend Turned Good

Holy hell what a miserable day in sports on Saturday.

Not sure if I've been to a Memphis football this decade but LP and I took the kids and met another family for Memphis v. East Carolina. Ahhhh, what a relaxing day. Here's what I'm used to-- Jordan-Hare at Auburn; 87,000 person stadium with 87,000 people in attendance. Here's what I got Saturday at Liberty Bowl Stadium-- a 65,000 person stadium with 27,000 people in attendance. But on a sidenote, there were 4,000 more people at the Memphis game than Ole Miss' game Saturday. You know you're headed South when Memphis has higher attendance than your school. Ugh.

So the Memphis game was great. We got 50-yard-line tix, 4th row. There were so many empty seats around us Anna got to run around with her friend McKayla. They got to draw pictures and run up and down the aisles. I got to stretch out and relax and watch Memphis score 40 points only have their bells rung by ECU-- hard being a Tiger football fan, eh?

LP and I then dropped the kids off at the grandparents and headed downtown for the Memphis Grizzlies game. We stop at Flying Fish first for some good ole fried catfish then hit FedExForum. We arrived 2 minutes into the game and the Grizzlies were already down 10 pts. We ended up spending the most exciting times of the evening watching the Bammer-LSU game in the suite. Sorry Zack, but I'm getting pretty friggin' tired of this one loss, everyone loves our mediocre coach and begs us to be in the National Championship game team from Louisiana. How many more players have to get arrested to take LSU out of national title hunt and get one of my BCS Busters in?

LP and I woke up Sunday morning to a really odd feeling. I think it was called "well-rested." I don't think we've been rested in 13 months now, but since the girls spent the night out we got to sleep in. Ahhhh, it was awesome.

And we must not have been the only ones to get some good rest. I coached Anna's final soccer game of the year. Our team has basically left me pulling my hair out as we're the Bad News Bears of the church league. But apparently, we're not the BADDEST Bears. We hung about 12 goals on the other team (after I told our best player to stop scoring and start passing) and Anna got her first goal of the season on a breakaway. OMG, I nearly peed myself. We were all so excited and I don't even think Anna knew what to think. It was awesome.

Have a great week.

What's the Worst Thing You Could Say About Your Former Employer?

Well, this is pretty hard core.

Greg Hardy is a defensive end at Ole Miss who got suspended by the team for missing practice and team meetings. Ole Miss has told him he can transfer... but not to any school in the SEC or to University of Memphis. Yes, Ole Miss is even scared of its players going to Memphis... wow, what a step down.

Matt Saunders has some harsh things to say about Coach No at Ole Miss regarding the Greg Hardy situation:

Also Tuesday, former Ole Miss graduate assistant Matt Saunders, who coached Hardy at Briarcrest Christian, defended Hardy and harshly criticized Orgeron in an online comment at commercialappeal.com.

"The thing people need to understand about Greg is that he walks to a different tune," Saunders wrote. "He is young and immature and he is only 18 years old. But instead of going out partying and doing drugs like other athletes do, Greg is usually playing basketball at the Turner Center staying out of trouble. So if Ole Miss wants to suspend a kid because he missed some meetings and practices ... feel free to do so.

"But to hold double standards for other players on the team, the ones who regularly miss class, abuse drugs, and party ... with just a slap on the wrist ... they are wrong. I have seen this stuff with my own eyes and the reason I am not down there anymore is boiled down to one fact ... Coach O does not know how to treat a human being with any class or dignity ... because he has none himself."