Gym Folk Categorized

It's an interesting sort you get to see in the gym on a daily basis. I have a love/hate relationship with some of the types. Unfortunate for my workout routine, but good for blogging; I go to a fru-fru gym. So let's take a look at who you might bump into in the gym.

Meathead
Does this one need an introduction? Twenty-to 45-years-old, veins bulging on their neck and grunting like a constipated woolly mammoth on every rep. These guys are big but prolly won't get any larger because they insist on lifting as heavy as they possibly can every time they hit the gym. They typically have arms that are twice as big as their legs (eh, symmetry?) and, therefore, make them fun objects to "tip" like cattle. They also look to fight a lot. I make sure to avoid quick movements and eye contact with this crowd.

Old Meathead
Same as the Meathead but older. Decades in the tanning bed have turned these guys into leather saddles.

Young Meathead
Very similar to the standard Meathead but these don't nearly work as hard in the gym. They're fortunate to be young and have high testosterone levels which keeps them large without much effort. A one-hour workout takes them 2 1/2 hours because they'd much prefer to mask their homoerotic fantasies by talking about how hard they frakked their "girlfriend" the night before. Kinda like this dude (p-word warning on that video).

Front Boutique
I had a roommate who was big into the Front Show-- only lift what the girls care to see-- biceps, chest and legs extensions. AD baby (All Day). The true Party in the Front lifter only works out in the 2 weeks leading up to Spring Break.

Campers
The cats who have not clued into gym etiquette. The finish a set then just decide to camp out on whatever equipment they're using until their next set. If you ask to "work in" they take this as a threat and either look at you like you're a diq or just up and run away. Here's the deal campers: you're gonna rest for 1 minute between sets, it's gonna take me 40 seconds to do a set. Add that to the 20 seconds it takes you to roll your eyes then move your arse off that equipment and we're staying tight on time. "Working in" is a concept very similar to "sharing." I promise it's not that hard.

Bookworms
So while I'm working out til I get lightheaded, the Bookworm is on one of three exercises: (a) hip abductors, (b) hip adductors or (c) leg extensions. They'll take 5minutes to do 200 reps while reading the latest Danielle Steele novel. I kinda think if you're able to get through a book and lift at the same time you might be wasting your time in the gym.

Enduro-Monkey
Featuring such feats of strength as a 45-lb bench press and near inability to get out of a chair unassisted, these folks will phuck you up on any piece of cardio equipment. Female enduro-monkeys have been amenorrheic for as long as they can remember and have teeth that are as soft as chewing gum. Male enduro-monkeys take pride in the number of stress fractures they have in their lower extremities and delight in being in the minority of men with osteoporosis before hitting age 30. But who am I to judge; I ran with this set for about 15 years.

Did I miss anyone? Please let me know cuz I'd love to hear what y'all have to say.