Photo Uploads

I love the ability to upload and share photos. It's so awesome to see family and friends immediately after [insert fun or important event name here].

However, with this great power to upload pics comes great responsibility. So before you upload, plz take a few tips from Gary Z. on the etiquette of uploads.

Is that the hairiest baby you've ever seen?
Please, please, please don't upload out of focus pics. This has been my pet peeve since the Kodak Disc camera. People would be so proud of their photo albums where the pics looked like they had all been taken under water. The only out-of-focus pics that are acceptable are ones of Sasquatch, the Loch Ness monster, UFOs, the New Orleans cityscape (trust me, it looks better that way), or when you're truly using focusing techniques as a method of expressing your creative side.

Wow, I feel like I'm at this gig... drunk as a sailor and holding my lighter up. Vision like this is what ends you up with a 300 lb. girl in the morning.



Rotata-mation
Neither my head nor my computer monitor (nice use of neither...nor, eh Kenny?) sit on a swivel. To rotate a pic in any photo editing software requires clicking one button. One button! Hit it please.

Or I could get a darn rotating screen...



Self Portraits
Sometimes self-portraits capture the perfect moment between lovers...


Sometimes they, uh, um. Not sure what to say here.


The view from Heaven
Unless you're using a person as a reference point for a spectacular nature shot or to give me a perspective on how large "World's Largest Prairie Dog" is, try to make sure that you don't take pics of people from 200 feet away.

Hey y'all, check out the boss pic of the warmups at the Notre Dame - Navy game. Awesome, you can totally see Brady Quinn down there...


Here, let Gary Z. zoom it in for you... ahhhhhh, better



This one is okay as well...



Doing it sans flash
If you're a master you can pull this one off. I bet this dude scores with all the ladies...



But most of us do this. What the hell? Did you really think I wanted to see this?


Damn, furry and dark. A two-for-one special.



Deja Vu All Over Again
I guess you loved that exact pose of your cat that you decided to snap it 6 times and upload every single one of them. Did you miss the fact that they're so identical that Ansel Adams couldn't distinguish them? Stop bloating your album with the same pic over and over again.

Look at this pic of Caroline in the park feeding the ducks...


So nice you're seeing it twice...


And again....


And again...


Ad nauseam...


Oh yeah, "bloat" leads me to the next point.

The Old Testament photo album
I'm not sure what the "ideal" number of pics in an online photo album is but I like to see 25 to 35 for a single day event or setting. Multi-day events require more pics but in that case you'll prolly only upload 10 pics/day. All estimates my friends. Time for call outs. My bro-in-law James had a fun morning of cooking pancakes with his sons. It is kinda nice. Twelve pics and it added a little fun to my morning. However, LP's Uncle B. has been known to upload well over 200 pics of his fiance's horse shows. Damn, B. First off, I don't have much interest in anything to do with horses. However, I'm on the fence; I could be won over. But when I see an album with 150, 200 or 250 pics the first thing I do is close my browser. The second thing I do is delete the "You're invited to come see my butt load of pics" email.


IMG_2354
The default name assigned to a pic by your camera is not a good caption. Either turn it off or place a nice caption on the pic to let me know who the funny gentlemen is with Aunt Thelma.

Eyes wide shut
If you caught someone with their eyes closed perhaps you should take a mulligan and repost the better pic. Exceptions include the "before and after" shots where your friend/loved one is sleeping in the "before" pic and then has an angry dingo, snake or bucket of cold water thrown on them in the "after" pic.

Photo Caption: "Gary's Narcoleptic Mother Plays a Game with Caroline"


Boobeeeeez
So you just caught a weird angle and notice one of your g'friend's boobeez hanging out. No correction necessary. Party on.