The Strong, Silent Type... But Mostly Silent

I'm 2 years removed from racing my velocipede so I guess I can talk now. Talking about what I "did" for 15 years was something I always shied away from. I guess shyness was one thing, lack of patience on my part another and not wishing to lead myself into the same lame jokes was the final portion.

I guess I'm to blame for not opening up and also not simplifying things for family, friends and coworkers.

So let's talk. I'm like the wikipedia of my cycling dysfunction this morning.

The Training
The question was always "how far do you ride everyday." It's rooted in the fact that many folks run and they run the same, exact loop at the same, exact speed day-in and day-out. So what they're fishing for is a simple, compact answer like "15 miles is how far I ride every day." But that's not accurate for a couple of reasons.

1. I have not used an odometer for training in about 12 years. It's all time-based. That's how you know you're dealing with a cyclist; everything is either in time or wattage (a measure of power)-- they never know distance. And trust me, no one EVER accepts "1 hour as an answer" because they they retort with "oh, how many miles is that?"
2. My workouts vary drastically from day-to-day, so I reckon distance did as well.
Mondays-- active recovery-- 1 hour
Tuesdays-- intervals at sub-LT up to super-LT (you pick 'em: pyramids, ascending sets, descending sets, long sets, short sets, CP intervals, PI, whatever)
Wednesdays-- muscular-endurance intervals (aka tempo) at longer set durations
Thursdays-- active recovery or day off
Friday-- Bright Ride with several sprints or 3 minute intervals to open up the legs
Saturday-- 3 to 6 hours, typically group ride that turns into group race
Sunday-- 2 to 3 hours recovery ride

Did you want to hear all that? No, and neither does the average person. So I just save people and say something like "yeah, 15 miles."

The Racing
Honestly, bike racing is as complex as devising a 3-4 defense to stop a West Coast Spread. Maybe even more complex because you don't have 35 seconds to huddle up and determine your next play. It took me 10-years before I completely felt that I truly understood the dynamics of bike racing. I know dudes who have been doing it a high level for longer than that and have no clue about riding a race.

And let's not even touch upon the different types of races; from road races to crits to time trials to stage races.

And placement, damn. I hate getting that look from folks when I tell them I was DFL (dead friggin' last in a race) because I had to single-handedly chase down a menacing 6-man break with 10K to go because we did not have adequate sprinter representation. Huh?

Therefore, I spare the dude at the water cooler by just saying "yeah, 15 miles. It was a hard race."

The Garb and The Jokes
The other reason I stayed away from getting too detailed on what I do is due to the inevitable "you wear those tight little shorts? With shaven legs? Ewwwwwwwwwwww !!!" or the, oh Lord give me strength here, "you should just stick a broom handle in the other guys' wheels [to win a race]." Oh geez. You know, man, that was not even funny the first thousand times I heard it, and it certainly fails to amuse me the second thousand times.

The 'tude
My friend ZackPe called this one up. Even if you do start warming up to someone and they seem like they might be down with you, there's that chance that they'll cop a 'tude and say something like "I would go riding with you BUT I don't have one of those fancy little race outfits."

Or you go out to eat with folks and you get the shitty comments about "Gary won't eat this stuff, he's in training. He probably thinks we're all fat. I'm gonna eat my carrot cake anyway. HA !"

Or my favorite 'tude comment of "You ride bikes? Lemme tell you about these jackasses I saw on the road this weekend." Others include the "my car is bigger than your bike so guess who's gonna win" and "y'all should ride those things on the sidewalk" arguments. Well, phuck you... my Sequoia is bigger than your Prius, does that give me the right to barrel you off the road? No.

And you can't win when you won't go riding with people. Here's some true knowledge: inexperienced riders are more likely to crash b/c of their inexperience. Experienced riders crash b/c of some external force such as a car hitting them, or an inexperienced rider taking them down. Therefore, the likelihood that I'll ride with someone is based upon a calculation of their experience level and how badly I want my collarbone broken. Just ask my friends KY and ZackPe about getting run off the road by squirrely riders at these local touring rides.

There you go. I just broke 15 years of silence. I'm guessing you got much more information than you actually needed, which is why I always stayed mum.

Gotta go now, it's time for my 15 mile ride.