A Public Vote -- Words You Hate

The topic was brought up recently of words that one may hate. I understand you're not supposed to mention coworkers names so let's just say that the topic arose from a conversation between Sam and Syliva (not Bill B. and Alissa).

So what are those words that just make your skin crawl? Here's a few from me, and people never seem to give up on using them:

orientate

irregardless

hisself

those "T" words used to describe a woman's chest parts. I hate both the one- and two-syllable variations. Y'all got it?

So what are your hated words?

Photo Uploads

I love the ability to upload and share photos. It's so awesome to see family and friends immediately after [insert fun or important event name here].

However, with this great power to upload pics comes great responsibility. So before you upload, plz take a few tips from Gary Z. on the etiquette of uploads.

Is that the hairiest baby you've ever seen?
Please, please, please don't upload out of focus pics. This has been my pet peeve since the Kodak Disc camera. People would be so proud of their photo albums where the pics looked like they had all been taken under water. The only out-of-focus pics that are acceptable are ones of Sasquatch, the Loch Ness monster, UFOs, the New Orleans cityscape (trust me, it looks better that way), or when you're truly using focusing techniques as a method of expressing your creative side.

Wow, I feel like I'm at this gig... drunk as a sailor and holding my lighter up. Vision like this is what ends you up with a 300 lb. girl in the morning.



Rotata-mation
Neither my head nor my computer monitor (nice use of neither...nor, eh Kenny?) sit on a swivel. To rotate a pic in any photo editing software requires clicking one button. One button! Hit it please.

Or I could get a darn rotating screen...



Self Portraits
Sometimes self-portraits capture the perfect moment between lovers...


Sometimes they, uh, um. Not sure what to say here.


The view from Heaven
Unless you're using a person as a reference point for a spectacular nature shot or to give me a perspective on how large "World's Largest Prairie Dog" is, try to make sure that you don't take pics of people from 200 feet away.

Hey y'all, check out the boss pic of the warmups at the Notre Dame - Navy game. Awesome, you can totally see Brady Quinn down there...


Here, let Gary Z. zoom it in for you... ahhhhhh, better



This one is okay as well...



Doing it sans flash
If you're a master you can pull this one off. I bet this dude scores with all the ladies...



But most of us do this. What the hell? Did you really think I wanted to see this?


Damn, furry and dark. A two-for-one special.



Deja Vu All Over Again
I guess you loved that exact pose of your cat that you decided to snap it 6 times and upload every single one of them. Did you miss the fact that they're so identical that Ansel Adams couldn't distinguish them? Stop bloating your album with the same pic over and over again.

Look at this pic of Caroline in the park feeding the ducks...


So nice you're seeing it twice...


And again....


And again...


Ad nauseam...


Oh yeah, "bloat" leads me to the next point.

The Old Testament photo album
I'm not sure what the "ideal" number of pics in an online photo album is but I like to see 25 to 35 for a single day event or setting. Multi-day events require more pics but in that case you'll prolly only upload 10 pics/day. All estimates my friends. Time for call outs. My bro-in-law James had a fun morning of cooking pancakes with his sons. It is kinda nice. Twelve pics and it added a little fun to my morning. However, LP's Uncle B. has been known to upload well over 200 pics of his fiance's horse shows. Damn, B. First off, I don't have much interest in anything to do with horses. However, I'm on the fence; I could be won over. But when I see an album with 150, 200 or 250 pics the first thing I do is close my browser. The second thing I do is delete the "You're invited to come see my butt load of pics" email.


IMG_2354
The default name assigned to a pic by your camera is not a good caption. Either turn it off or place a nice caption on the pic to let me know who the funny gentlemen is with Aunt Thelma.

Eyes wide shut
If you caught someone with their eyes closed perhaps you should take a mulligan and repost the better pic. Exceptions include the "before and after" shots where your friend/loved one is sleeping in the "before" pic and then has an angry dingo, snake or bucket of cold water thrown on them in the "after" pic.

Photo Caption: "Gary's Narcoleptic Mother Plays a Game with Caroline"


Boobeeeeez
So you just caught a weird angle and notice one of your g'friend's boobeez hanging out. No correction necessary. Party on.

If You Ever Wanted to Vomit Out of Your Ears...

Y'all remember the old 300 workouts that got famous after the movie by the same name?

If not, people were amazed by the fitness of the actors in that movie. These folks did not hit the gym to hit weights like you or I may. To be true to the time that the movie took place the trainers attempted to work the actors like warriors of the era might have worked out-- carrying lots of odd shaped heavy objects, lots of crazy body weight exercises, etc.

Well, this workout philosophy kinda exploded to its own craze. Check out sites like Gym Jones or Cross-Fit.

In an effort to cut some body fat, I've switched over to a full-body workout routine. I decided that cross-fit looked like it might be fun so I came up with my workout. Although I was not completely true to the cross-fit philosophy I decided on some "high rep, moderate weight, no rest workout" exercises.

After one "break-in" workout I decided to give myself a little challenge. I pushed the reps up to 30 and chose a weight that would make me wish for death around 15-20 reps. Yes, that meant the last 10-15 reps of each exercise were like Hell on earth. But after 15 years of bike racing, I really dig the self-inflicted suffering (yeah, you'd have to do it to get it).

So here goes...
Squats
Cable rows
Dumbbell bench press
Thrusters
Barbell bicep curls
Bench dips
Decline bench crunches
Back extensions

That totals up to 240 reps and took about 13 minutes.

I'm not gonna leave the gym after 13 minutes so let's do it again.

Keeping in mind that my average workout consists of 8 exercises X 4 sets X 10 reps/set = 320 reps total and takes about 50 minutes to complete.

This workout was 480 reps and took about 28 minutes. I was smoked afterwards. But I was telling Superfriend Dos yesterday that I think a mistake many people make in the gym is not working hard enough. Well, I think I had that covered. Of course, curling up in the fetal position while crying in the middle of the gym might be considered working a little too hard.

Okay, condemn me now. Here's a demo of one of the harder exercises for me-- thursters. Tell me, guys, that you can look at this demo for a thruster and not have sinful thoughts. That's what I thought, sinners. Don't judge me.

Of course you can click to enlarge but I know you fellows have no interest in that.

Let Us Take Pride in Sucking

Bicycling magazine came out with their list of worst 3 cities in the U.S. for cycling.

Guess who's in that list. Yay !!

Don't get on two wheels in Memphis

Laying the Egg

Man, I really bombed that last post. Apparently there are much funnier posts regarding gym folk than I even imagined. Check the links in the comments on my previous post.

I should take my own advice and check snopes.com before I issue any more posts.

Sorry guys and gals.

Gym Folk Categorized

It's an interesting sort you get to see in the gym on a daily basis. I have a love/hate relationship with some of the types. Unfortunate for my workout routine, but good for blogging; I go to a fru-fru gym. So let's take a look at who you might bump into in the gym.

Meathead
Does this one need an introduction? Twenty-to 45-years-old, veins bulging on their neck and grunting like a constipated woolly mammoth on every rep. These guys are big but prolly won't get any larger because they insist on lifting as heavy as they possibly can every time they hit the gym. They typically have arms that are twice as big as their legs (eh, symmetry?) and, therefore, make them fun objects to "tip" like cattle. They also look to fight a lot. I make sure to avoid quick movements and eye contact with this crowd.

Old Meathead
Same as the Meathead but older. Decades in the tanning bed have turned these guys into leather saddles.

Young Meathead
Very similar to the standard Meathead but these don't nearly work as hard in the gym. They're fortunate to be young and have high testosterone levels which keeps them large without much effort. A one-hour workout takes them 2 1/2 hours because they'd much prefer to mask their homoerotic fantasies by talking about how hard they frakked their "girlfriend" the night before. Kinda like this dude (p-word warning on that video).

Front Boutique
I had a roommate who was big into the Front Show-- only lift what the girls care to see-- biceps, chest and legs extensions. AD baby (All Day). The true Party in the Front lifter only works out in the 2 weeks leading up to Spring Break.

Campers
The cats who have not clued into gym etiquette. The finish a set then just decide to camp out on whatever equipment they're using until their next set. If you ask to "work in" they take this as a threat and either look at you like you're a diq or just up and run away. Here's the deal campers: you're gonna rest for 1 minute between sets, it's gonna take me 40 seconds to do a set. Add that to the 20 seconds it takes you to roll your eyes then move your arse off that equipment and we're staying tight on time. "Working in" is a concept very similar to "sharing." I promise it's not that hard.

Bookworms
So while I'm working out til I get lightheaded, the Bookworm is on one of three exercises: (a) hip abductors, (b) hip adductors or (c) leg extensions. They'll take 5minutes to do 200 reps while reading the latest Danielle Steele novel. I kinda think if you're able to get through a book and lift at the same time you might be wasting your time in the gym.

Enduro-Monkey
Featuring such feats of strength as a 45-lb bench press and near inability to get out of a chair unassisted, these folks will phuck you up on any piece of cardio equipment. Female enduro-monkeys have been amenorrheic for as long as they can remember and have teeth that are as soft as chewing gum. Male enduro-monkeys take pride in the number of stress fractures they have in their lower extremities and delight in being in the minority of men with osteoporosis before hitting age 30. But who am I to judge; I ran with this set for about 15 years.

Did I miss anyone? Please let me know cuz I'd love to hear what y'all have to say.

Tuesday Updates

Things got a little crazy lately, but I think they're returning to being blog-errific.

Because of her propensity for Googling herself, I gotta throw a few keywords out here:
Tammy Thomas, ESPN, BALCO, perjury, Barry Bonds, norbolethone, IRS

So if Tammy T. did happen to land here I'm just seriously asking you to plz not threaten legal action and make me take this page down. Tammy T., I just want you to know that it is never too late to do the right thing. If you're being honest with yourself then you should have a clear conscience. God loves you, regardless. You ever in Memphis and need someone to talk about what you're going through then bring your gloves and we'll hang-and-bang.

Speaking of lawsuits, I need a corporate sponsor for my site. Let's see how many attorneys from Alcon contact me after this one.

Today's Post Brought to You By Alcon Lab's Pataday
Irritated, itchy, allergy eyes? Pataday. So strong it'll take the red off a Tennessee fan's neck.
Ask your eye care professional about Pataday.

No offense to the 3 Tennessee grads I've met in my life. That comment was only for the other 10,000,000,000 fans who are as annoying as an anal fissure.

Remember that heartbreak, regret, etc.
Remember that time in 1st grade when your friend really hurt your feelings and you felt like you were gonna die from anguish? Well, I don't remember it that vividly either. But folks with photographic memories do and the emotions are just as intense now as they were 40 years ago. I always thought it would be cool have that kind of memory but some people with that "gift" say the mentally see a "movie" of their entire life every night when they lie awake in bed. I hope it's on fast forward.

The South Will Rise Again... But This Dude Won't Be There
Virginia man killed in Civil War cannonball blast

Ride Robbie Ride !!
Check out this dude, he's just screwing around riding his bike all over the world.

Depressing Riding News
I got a card in the mail informing me that Meritan's Lunar Festival is going to be postponed until 2009. For those not in the know, every June in Memphis 17 miles of city streets are blocked off so that nearly 1,500 cyclists can hit the road for a midnight ride. It's a blast and I hate to not be able to do it this year.

Damn, More Wasted Resources
I'm sure I've gone into my arguments with my undergrad mentor regarding finding a cure for AIDS. I was pro-research in efforts for a cure. Being a good behaviorist she argued that the cure for AIDS is completely behaviorally based-- stop the behavior that spreads the disease and you've wiped it out. And so what does it hurt if we did find a vaccine? Well, she replies, think of the billions of dollars spent on research when it could have been used for other means. She was right. And I view obesity the same way.

We need a change in individual's behavior to conquer this. I got so fired up at this Business Week article that I think I burst a blood vessel. Lemme pull some quotes that really got me going and I'll interject with my own dialog.

The first company to create the magic pill that helps people shed pounds without getting sick will reap an astronomical windfall. About a third of the people in the U.S. are obese, putting them at risk for heart disease, diabetes, and some types of cancer.

Diet and exercise will help one shed pounds without making one sick. Diet and exercise reduce the risk of heart disease, diabetes and some types of cancer.

Another third are merely overweight, but still desperate for a drug that will return them to their former svelte selves.

Diet and exercise will help one return to their former "svelte" self. I find that ironic since I'm reckoning most people "desperate for a drug" to cure obesity were never really svelte to begin with.

To grasp the potential impact of just one really good weight-loss drug, consider all the medicines taken to treat conditions caused or exacerbated by obesity. Statins for high cholesterol rake in $25 billion in global sales each year. Demand for blood-pressure drugs comes to about $30 billion. Then there's the $12 billion-a-year market for drugs that treat Type 2 diabetes, the most prevalent form of the disease. Many patients who swallow such pills today might be persuaded to trade in their prescriptions if there were an alternate route to a healthier body weight. Add to that everyone's desire to look better, and you have the makings of a giant product.

Um, I think that "alternate route" could be diet and exercise.

Come on, I'm not completely cold-hearted. I do believe there is a tiny fraction of people who cannot lose weight and are in medically fragile conditions where weight loss could save their lives. And for this tiny fraction I think there interventions, such as surgery, that can provide solutions. But do we have to spend TENS OF BILLIONS of dollars on something that can be solved very easily for the overwhelming majority of people?

I Hope These Guys Know Their Market
I get this email from my local Toyota dealer. Apparently, they know I'm not a tree-hugging hippie.

In the email they're raving about the virtues of the new Sequoia; a hairy mammoth of a car that makes my Sequoia look like a Sweet Schild O' Mine's CRV.

The Sequoia's not gonnna win any fuel sipping contests so they need a different marketing angle.

...that's $4,000 toward your new Sequoia. If CASH is not your thing, Toyota is giving you the option of 0% Financing for up to 60 months.

How's that for incentive to laugh at all these people who are running to the small fuel economy cars. They'll also be running from your Sequoia as your barrel down the road. Not too mention they don't own a boat anyway, and you need that muscle to pull your baby to the lake this summer.

Toyota...Moving Forward...errr well it's a SEQUOIA so you better get the heck out of the way!!!

Man, I hope no Prius owners got that email. Whew.

What The Heck is in That Sandwich?

So I'm not on a whole foods or raw diet or anything, but damn the horrors of the things we put in our bodies. I figured from a macronutrient standpoint I'm doing good eating the grilled chicken sandwich from Wendy's (hold the sauce please), but the ingredient list looks like a chemist's shopping cart.

If you're counting, there are 104 distinct ingredients in this sandwich.

Ultimate Chicken Grill Fillet
Chicken Breast, Water, Seasoning (salt, natural flavors, corn maltodextrin, autolyzed yeast extract, modified corn starch, onion powder, paprika, spice, garlic powder, sugar, disodium idosinate, disodium guanylate, dextrose, artificial flavors), Modified Corn Starch, Sodium Phosphates.

Lettuce
Lettuce.

Tomatoes, 1-2 slices
Tomato

Premium Bun
Enriched Wheat Flour (wheat flour, malted barley flour, thiamine mononitrate, riboflavin, niacin, iron, folic acid), Water, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Vegetable Oil (contains one or more of the following: soybean, cottonseed, canola), Yeast, Salt, Gluten, Contains 2% or less than: Dough Conditioners (may contain one or more of the following: sodium stearoyl lactylate, calcium stearoyl-2-lactylate, ascorbic acid, azodicarbonamide, mono and diglycerides, DATEM, enzymes), Yeast Nutrients (may contain one or more of the following: monocalcium phosphate, calcium sulfate, ammonium sulfate), Turmeric, Paprika, Natural Flavor, Yellow Corn Meal (Premium only), Calcium Silicate, Calcium Propionate (preservative). CONTAINS: WHEAT.

American Cheese Slice
Cultured Milk, Water, Cream, Sodium Citrate, Salt, Sodium Phosphate, Sorbic Acid (preservative), Artificial Color, Acetic Acid, Enzymes, Soy Lecithin (for slice separation). CONTAINS: MILK, SOY.

Cheese Sauce
Cheddar Cheese (milk, salt, cheese cultures, enzymes), Whey, Buttermilk, Salt, Disodium Phosphate, Yellow 5 and 6, Modified Food Starch, Whey, Corn Syrup Solids, Partially Hydrogenated Coconut Oil, Natural Flavor, Salt, Lactic Acid, Tricalcium Phosphate, Sodium Alginate, Yeast Extract, Sodium Caseinate (milk derivative), Calcium Gluconate, Xanthan Gum, Disodium Inosinate, Dipotassium Phosphate, Sodium Tripolyphosphate, Garlic, Monoglycerides, DATEM, Sodium Silicoaluminate (anti-caking agent),Yellow 5 and 6. CONTAINS: MILK.

Bacon, 3 strips
Pork Cured With: Water, Sugar, Salt, Smoke Flavoring, Sodium Phosphate, Sodium Erythorbate, Sodium Nitrate.

Honey Mustard Sauce
Soybean Oil, Honey, Water, Dijon Mustard (distilled vinegar, water, mustard seed, salt, white wine, citric acid, tartaric acid, spices), Sugar, Distilled Vinegar, Egg Yolk, Salt, Mustard Seed, Egg White, Xanthan Gum, Propylene Glycol Alginate, Potassium Sorbate and Sodium Benzoate (preservatives), Titanium Dioxide, Spice, Garlic (dehydrated), Onion (dehydrated), Natural Flavor, Lemon Juice from Concentrate, Calcium Disodium EDTA (flavor protector). CONTAINS: EGGS.

Ketchup
Tomato Concentrate (made from red ripe tomatoes), Distilled Vinegar, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Corn Syrup, Salt, Spice, Onion Powder, Natural Flavoring.

Mustard
Water, Distilled Vinegar, Mustard Seed, Salt, Turmeric (color), Paprika, Spice.

Onion (2 rings)
Onion.

Dill Pickles (4)
Cucumbers, Water, Vinegar, Salt, Sodium Benzoate (preservative), Natural Flavoring, Polysorbate 80, Calcium Chloride, Yellow #5, Blue #1.

Mayonnaise
Water, Soybean Oil, Corn Syrup, Egg Yolk, Modified Corn Starch, Distilled Vinegar, Salt, Spice, Xanthan Gum, Sodium Benzoate and Potassium Sorbate (preservatives), Natural Flavor, Calcium Disodium EDTA (to protect flavor), Yellow 5 and 6. CONTAINS: EGG.